#bpd

Hi everyone, I apologize for having the gall to try and do two fundraisers at once, but unfortunately I've backed myself into a very precarious situation and I don't see any other choice. If you haven't been following our saga, we managed to fundraise enough to cover some severely overdue maintenance on our car; sadly, the check engine light came on again and we may be looking at one more repair. The mechanic shop told me they could potentially waive the labor fee (since they just made almost $2200 off of this car last week) to replace the MAF (mass air flow) sensor, which is what Autozone's test suggested was the most likely culprit. Apparently there are two different possible MAF sensors for this car but they're unsure which one for certain until they see the car again, so the cost could range from $125-$270 for the part if I recall correctly. He also mentioned there's a possibility they'd have to do a second diagnostic on it. If you *have* been following our saga then you know that sadly, I waited too long to attend to this. We've exhausted our temp registration extensions. It's now more than a week past-due for registration and our only option really is to get it fixed, because we can't pass emissions and register it until it's fixed. 🚨 In other words, this is unfortunately another time-critical situation that I have created and I must still ask for help. 🚨 If we can swing this it would take a huge load off my mind. This has been stressing me for months and the past week or two has had both me and my partner racked with anxiety. We are incredibly grateful for any help, no matter how small. You don't need to feel bad if you can only contribute a little; $5 might not seem like much but it still brings us $5 closer to our goals and trust me, it all adds up. Please, NEVER feel bad if you can't contribute anything. Seriously. If you're in the same boat as us, how can you feel bad for not being able to help *us* any more than we're able to help *you*? If you're unable to contribute monetarily, rest assured that your boosts and encouragement are also incredibly valuable! Believe it or not, begging to survive isn't all it's cracked up to be. Every time you boost our begposts, it reminds us that we're not all alone in this just as much as it spreads the word to folks who might be able to help. If you're getting tired of seeing our begposts, I both understand and sympathize, as well as apologize. I know it's.. a lot. If you need to mute or block us, it's also understandable. While it breaks my heart to lose folks over this, unfortunately I don't have any other options readily available so if you must go then I bid you a sad but fond farewell. I hope maybe we can reconnect someday. Thank you for taking the time to read this, for any help you might be willing to share with us, and most of all for believing in us even when we feel like we can't believe in ourselves. Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982 #Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness #AutoRepair #CarRepair @mutualaid

SECOND UPDATE (for clarification):

YES! We are still fundraising. My apologies for the rambling, confusing nature of this post.

UPDATE (already lol):

My partner insists that it might be insulting to the person who lent us money, to directly fundraise on their behalf because they told my partner to keep it when they sent it. I'm not sure I entirely agree with my partner about this, but I'm deferring to his judgement and closing the prior fundraiser.

So to the incredibly kind soul who sent us that money, I will do as you ask, but on the proviso that you MUST let me if you encounter the slightest problem because of this, so that we can rally the Fediverse to come to your aid. I do not want to see others suffering because of my foolishness.

Thank you to that person, and every other person who has helped us. We couldn't make it without you. ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️

============================================

Hello again folks,

Please forgive the audacity of me requesting even more help before we've even completely finished the four-figure auto repair fundraiser.

I screwed up.

I've gotten us in over our heads with a very serious bind. I̶ n̶e̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ r̶e̶t̶u̶r̶n̶ t̶h̶e̶ f̶u̶n̶d̶s̶ l̶e̶n̶t̶ t̶o̶ u̶s̶ f̶o̶r̶ t̶h̶e̶ c̶a̶r̶ b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ w̶e̶ c̶a̶n̶ e̶v̶e̶n̶ s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶ f̶o̶c̶u̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ o̶n̶ r̶e̶n̶t̶, s̶o̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶ I̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ a̶ k̶i̶n̶d̶ f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶ f̶r̶o̶m̶ h̶e̶r̶e̶ o̶n̶ t̶h̶e̶ #̶F̶e̶d̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶e̶ t̶o̶ b̶e̶ i̶n̶ d̶a̶n̶g̶e̶r̶.

S̶o̶.. u̶n̶t̶i̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶̶ d̶e̶b̶t̶ i̶s̶ t̶a̶k̶e̶n̶ c̶a̶r̶e̶ o̶f̶, t̶h̶i̶s̶ w̶i̶l̶l̶ s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶ a̶s̶ a̶ p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶h̶o̶l̶d̶e̶r̶. A̶n̶y̶ f̶u̶n̶d̶s̶ w̶e̶ r̶e̶c̶e̶i̶v̶e̶ w̶i̶l̶l̶ b̶e̶ a̶p̶p̶l̶i̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶̶ b̶e̶g̶p̶o̶s̶t̶ f̶o̶r̶ o̶u̶r̶ c̶a̶r̶, s̶o̶ p̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ b̶e̶ a̶l̶a̶r̶m̶e̶d̶ i̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶ d̶o̶ d̶o̶n̶a̶t̶e̶ b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ o̶f̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶ p̶o̶s̶t̶ b̶u̶t̶ t̶h̶e̶ C̶W̶ c̶o̶u̶n̶t̶e̶r̶ d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'t̶ r̶e̶f̶l̶e̶c̶t̶ i̶t̶ -̶ i̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶ v̶i̶s̶i̶t̶ t̶h̶e̶ o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ f̶u̶n̶d̶r̶a̶i̶s̶e̶r̶ p̶i̶n̶n̶e̶d̶ p̶o̶s̶t̶, y̶o̶u̶'l̶l̶ s̶e̶e̶ t̶h̶e̶ u̶p̶d̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ n̶u̶m̶b̶e̶r̶s̶.

I apologize for having to do this so many times and for such huge amounts. I swear I'm trying my damnedest to not let everyone down.

There. The previous paragraph is the most I'm going to allow myself to self-deprecate in this post, despite me probably looking like a looney toons character that's about to explode, by restraining my own criticism.

Whelp.. I need to wrap this up so I can go pick up the car; that at least gives us an option if things go south regarding rent.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, do NOT feel guilty for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982 GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

#Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

Am I ND and do I have other mental illness? Yes. Does it mean my special interest is sex, I'm hypersexual and I fuck awesomely? Also yes. Gotta focus on the positives😉 #mentalhealth #BPD #cptsd #ND #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #hypersexual #bisexual #polyamorous #positivity #pleasure #joy #trans #transmasc #focusonthegood

Folks, every time I write these I keep hoping it's the last time we'll ever need to engage in digital begging, yet here I am again like a broken record. This month has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Interestingly, I'm just realizing that the "ups" of said rollercoaster mostly coincide with having money to live (making rent, buying groceries, our nifty new scooters that I absolutely adore) and while I know correlation doesn't equal causation, it is certainly a lot of curious coincidences. It is also worthy of note that every one of those save for maybe groceries were given to us through people's donations. Our friends here on Mastodon and the Fediverse are who keep the roof over our head and the lights on. My partner and I are barely able to earn enough money to eat, and not much more. My weekly hours at my retail job haven't been completely sufficient but they at least seem to be holding steady. On the other hand, I'm very, very proud of my partner for adapting to public transit (despite the its anxiety-provoking nature for him, on top of some sort of PTSD-triggering aspect that is so deeply ingrained that he can't really tell me about it) for getting to work due to our car being out of commission. Said car will likely remain that way for the foreseeable future due to my not being as active about fundraising for it as I should have been; and now that it's the last week of the month, I need to set our focus on staying housed. Anyway.. I've only got about two hours before I need to leave for my soul-crushing retail job, where I work myself so ragged I can barely function on my days off, yet I'm not even getting full-time hours and frankly I don't know if I physically *could* do full-time right now. Ugh. I'm so exhausted. Fucking mental illness, my friends.. it poisons everything. I literally can't afford it. Long story short: We need help. Yet again. If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad. Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982 GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3 #Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

NOTE: This post discusses a medical challenge my partner deals with. While we both deeply appreciate everyone's concern and support, please PLEASE note this is something we've been dealing with for years. I promise we've likely already tried or lack the spoons to pursue whatever miracle cure, PT exercise regimen, cream, pill, supplement, religious practice, pagan ritual, and so on you have for us. We appreciate it but this is not what we're here for at this particular moment.

As you may already be aware, our car is not currently drivable which has forced my partner to commute to work by public transit, requiring a lot of walking. Lyft/uber isn't a practical option because depending on the time of day, it can cost almost half the wages from his shift just to get there and back.

Unfortunately, he also has severe plantar fasciitis from an insanely high foot arch. So severe in fact he's had to give up several jobs that he actually enjoyed and were good for him, and those were during times when he was less affected by his PTSD.

Last night he told me his feet are hurting like they were back then. It took him months to return to a point where he could walk for longer than a few minutes without pain. He had to call out sick for his shift today because it hurts too much.

He's in a very precarious situation. He's been employed at this job for six months now (after a two-year period of unemployment due to mental health-related problems) and has been making due, but if we can't get his fasciitis under control now, this may endanger his employment yet again.

While I would love to instantly raise the remaining $1400+ needed to get the car fixed, even if I could do that it, it's not something that can be done on someone's lunch break. (see https://beige.party/@LibertyForward1/116681550526241712)

In the meantime, every shift he works is going to dramatically increase his suffering.

He now wants to get a scooter so that like me, he can use it to get to the bus with less wear on his feet.

I've been using a little-kid's-style scooter, probably exceeding the maximum weight capacity by 25lbs or more. The wheels are so tiny that instead of rolling over obstacles, it just comes to a halt (which unfortunately does not include halting my person) and I've had at least four incidents in the past six months where I've risked injury because I either went sailing over the handlebars or fell backwards off the scooter.

I cannot let him use one like that because I am a hypocrite and because I also believe I'm a little more.. sturdy, shall we say than he is. I have more built-in padding.

But I also have been having pain in my right hand for the past two months when I landed on my wrist during a fall.

Apparently if I'm expecting him to use a safer scooter and safety equipment than what I'm currently using, supposedly I'm expected to do the same. 🙄

Therefore I have two scooters and safety equipment in an online shopping cart that can be here by tomorrow afternoon to allow him time to practice and get familiar before he works this weekend, but I've got to order as soon as humanly possible.

We're trying to make the best of a very inconvenient situation. Any help would be sincerely appreciated.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, do NOT feel guilty for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982 GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

#Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness #PublicTransit #PlantarFasciitis @mutualaid

I apologize for continuing to hound everyone. I'm fighting the overwhelming urge to crawl under the covers and hide from the world to plea for help from the #Fediverse. It appears they haven't yet issued late fees and fines, so if we can by some insane miracle raise the remainder in the next few hours, we might be able to squeak by. I know you've all spent a small fortune already on me and my partner, and it's quite audacious of me to ask for more. I'm sorry. I wish I was better. If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad. Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982 GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3 #Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid

I don't even know what to write at this point. Every month I tell myself, "Okay, this is the month we get back on track. I'm going to go get a second job. We're going to do this on our own for once, goddammit." Yet my job takes just enough of a physical and emotional toll that I can't seem to function. I can't get focused. I can't get the apartment cleaned up or get everything organized, I can't seem to summon the willpower to go through the mind-numbingly asinine job application process to some other retail job that's probably even more demeaning than the one I currently hold. So every month we only make rent thanks to charity. The only reason we're not homeless is because we're receiving mutual aid. I'm not exaggerating. We would absolutely be on the streets without everyone's help on the Fedi. This has been going on for two years now. It seems reasonable to ask, "Well, why don't you apply for government assistance? Why don't you reach out to local charities? Why don't you handle your money better and quit relying on strangers?" Let me offer brief summary of the circumstances of someone I know to help answer those questions: A co-worker of mine - a single mother with multiple health problems, has needed to resort to payday loans for enough money to eat. She makes *just* enough money to not qualify for much public assistance, and struggles with tech literacy so it's a nightmare for her trying to navigate all the hoops one must jump through. She reached out to the local clergy of the predominant religious faith in the area. It's one of the most wealthy religious institutions in the world, commanding hundreds of *billions* in assets (thanks to a whistleblower for it to even be publicly known), and she is a member of this church. They made her give them copies of her paystubs and her bank account statements, detailed financial information of her (just barely turned) adult son who barely makes anything working at a movie theater and that of her brother (also struggling financially, and will only be their roommate until the end of their lease sometime early summer), and still turned her down. They offered her a couple of vouchers for their church-owned food pantry, most of which she's unable to use due to food allergies. She had to beg them, sobbing, until they finally relented and agreed to cover one month of rent for her and her son (I guess her brother will magically find his portion?) and insisted that this was the last help she would receive from them. It's a perfect (yes, albeit anecdotal) example of why #MutualAid is crucial: people are falling through the cracks because the institutions we're supposed to be able to rely upon are failing to protect us. Even one of the most wealthy non-profit entities on the planet refuse to help even their own members without forcing them to undergo an embarrassing and demeaning process to prove their worthiness to receive help. If anyone deserves help, it's her. She's a sweet, good-natured soul just trying to survive. Yet because she isn't computer-savvy and able to constantly begpost like I have the privilege of doing, she is stressed out of her mind and starting to sell all her possessions before she has to move to a different apartment next month and couldn't afford to set any money aside for deposit and related costs. I can't even remember where I was going with this now after angrily typing all of that. I guess maybe that it isn't always as fucking simple and easy as some people think it is, to be a grifting beggar. I can promise you one thing, however: I'd be willing to bet that most of us posting #MutualAidRequest after request, would really rather not be doing so. I would much, much, much rather be giving back to the community. But that's difficult when your annual salary raises are less than inflation. Or, as I've begun referring to them, "annual pay cuts". But folks like my co-worker and myself didn't "apply ourselves" to get college degrees, so I guess we're getting what we deserve. Except it shouldn't be what we deserve. Survival shouldn't be a privilege to be "earned". Original #begpost: https://beige.party/@LibertyForward1/116469237814027295 Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982 GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3 #Solidarity #BPD #PTSD #Poverty #MentalIllness @mutualaid