Post #1796893

2026-04-30 00:12 UTC

Once again, my professional recommendation in response to the latest Linux kernel vulnerability in the news is that you should gather up all your electronic devices, cast them into the sea, and retreat to the woods. Each night, gather your children and tell them tales of the Before Times when the hubris of humanity grew so large that we made idols of sand and spoke to them as equals. Remind them that the sand, of course, did not speak or think, but we imagined it could, and let it guide us to folly. Should a stranger ever come to your village with a glowing rectangle, encourage the youth to beat them with sticks. #infosec

Replies (33)

@arrjay@tacobelllabs.net 2026-04-30 00:28

@mike "your rectangle only brings lies and discord! cast it away!"

Open ##1898562
@crazyeddie@mastodon.social 2026-04-30 01:30

@mike When we all give up and just start camping in the woods...we're so going to trash everything.

Open ##1898564
@simonoid@aus.social 2026-04-30 01:37

@mike goat farming is looking more and more appealing

Open ##1898566
@lispi314@udongein.xyz 2026-04-30 02:55

@mike That sounds rather much worse and less practical than building an alternative.

Open ##1898575
@frang@meow.social 2026-04-30 03:15

@mike I already live in the woods. Also children are delicious.

Open ##1898580
@babble_endanger@freeradical.zone 2026-04-30 03:22

@mike Every night we does The Tell

Open ##1898581
@vonxylofon@witter.cz 2026-04-30 09:34

@Just_Tired @mike You mean affix stones to the ends of said sticks? Stones are firm.

Open ##1898582
@gloriouscow@oldbytes.space 2026-04-30 03:32

@mike Can I cast my devices into the woods and retreat into the sea?

Open ##1898583
@BakerRL75@m.ai6yr.org 2026-04-30 03:34

@mike Indeed.

Open ##1898590
@BakerRL75@m.ai6yr.org 2026-04-30 04:19

@mike Promoting to #GoodWords

Open ##1898591
@blogdiva@mastodon.social 2026-04-30 04:36

@mike *slow clap* for describing silicon chips as idols of sand. well done.

Open ##1898592
@slothrop@chaos.social 2026-04-30 04:38

@mike I applaud the general sentiment. But PLEASE dispose of your electronics responsibly.

Open ##1898593
@yama@tech.lgbt 2026-04-30 05:19

@mike What happened this time x.x ?

Open ##1898594
@A_Minion@mastodon.social 2026-04-30 05:37

@mike It doesn't work. I lived in the woods, had to push through a 1/2mile of road to get to my house. We now have a 5 lane road and a bike path, 3 schools and children everywhere. It only took 20 years. Oh, Alaska.

Open ##1898597
@brouhaha@mastodon.social 2026-04-30 05:51

@mike Sand not only does not speak or think. Sand doesn't like our attempts to make it speak or think. To punishes us for trying to make it think, it tells us utter nonsense, in an obsequious yet seemingly authoritative way.

Open ##1898600
@oliversampson@sigmoid.social 2026-04-30 06:10

@mike Where can I subscribe to your newsletter?

Open ##1898602
@ChuckMcManis@chaos.social 2026-04-30 06:31

@mike that last set of stanzas in Ozymandias hits differently now ya know? "My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!" Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level *sands* stretch far away."

Open ##1898603
@petitmote@toot.aquilenet.fr 2026-04-30 07:01

@mike omg, are you mad? Don't throw them into the sea, it's already polluted enough. Throw them in some rich guy's garden.

Open ##1898604
@t36s@social.ordinal.garden 2026-04-30 09:46

@mike [chuckles]

Open ##1898606
@raymierussell@mastodon.scot 2026-04-30 10:18

@mike It all went wrong after fire and the wheel.

Open ##1898607
@rickf@indieweb.social 2026-04-30 10:52

@mike Excellent plan!! it would certainly make our infosec jobs a lot easier. ;)

Open ##1898609
@cpm@spore.social 2026-04-30 11:01

@mike https://spore.social/@cpm/116352982181540352

Open ##1898610
@vortex@tldr.nettime.org 2026-04-30 11:02

@mike Ted tried. Negativland - Destroying Anything https://youtu.be/ObUIDD_ALo0

Open ##1898611
@nigel@unsociable.lowkey.party 2026-04-30 11:52

@mike I know your post sounds like satire, but you are of course quite correct here.

Open ##1898614
@cauZation@mastodon.social 2026-04-30 13:09

@mike Or just learn and teach, a little #permaculture

Open ##1898615
@schwa@mastodon.social 2026-04-30 14:38

@mike ah yes! Harkening back to the simpler better days when it was acceptable to beat up random strangers for being different. Good times!

Open ##1898616
@malte@frankfurt.social 2026-04-30 15:33

@mike “a glowing rectangle“ lol nice one

Open ##1898620
@claudiom@bsd.network 2026-04-30 16:38

@mike And pointy sticks at that! 💯 I've had this feeling for a while now, as has my wife.

Open ##2134076
@Phnac@mamot.fr 2026-05-01 12:45

@mike https://ubuntu.com/blog/copy-fail-vulnerability-fixes-available

Open ##2134077
@cbo_rcm_le17@piaille.fr 2026-05-02 16:06

@mike and during the evening by the fireside you should read Ravage from René Barjavel (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashes,_Ashes)

Open ##2134078
@rysiek@mstdn.social 2026-05-08 01:29

@mike@social.chinwag.org beat them with glowsticks though, right?

Open ##2193122
@thegarbagebird@theblower.au 2026-05-08 09:19

@mike@social.chinwag.org i hope you have this muted, but i am still delighted by it

Open ##2214342
@oli@olifant.social 2026-05-08 18:24

@mike@social.chinwag.org When I worked on a security team a decade ago, when we'd discover shit like a crucial vulnerability in every Intel CPU ever made or something, we'd just throw up our hands, look at each other and say: "....So when we quit this doomed field and start our own coffeeshop, what kind of coffeeshop should it be?"

Open ##2246270