Post #1224366

2026-04-15 06:45 UTC

after years of back-and-forth, i&#39;ve finally reached certainty that i want to pursue bottom surgery, specifically vaginoplasty it&#39;s been something i&#39;ve thought a lot about ever since getting on estrogen and progesterone and my sexual response changing so much that i describe myself as having &quot;phantom pussy&quot; sensations. when they occur, they&#39;re impossible to truly resolve and the best i can hope for is being able to sidestep them, but a lot of the time they end in frustrated, heartbroken tears i think a big reason why it took me so long to accept this course was that my longest, pre-transition relationship was marked by that girlfriend being pretty explicit about not wanting me to express femininity and requiring me to /perform/ boyfriendness, as it were. any time i wasn&#39;t topping or actively giving her pleasure was a turn-off for her. the thing i could never reconcile about it was that she was both bisexual and nonbinary: i thought my transformation would be as appealing to her and her was to me (we started out cis4cis), but no such luck. the next few partners i had since then didn&#39;t get the brunt of this feeling i had even if they did see snippets, but they were largely ambivalently supportive about it, which was a welcome change of pace and maybe would be the ideal response in a good world but as i told @eri about this, not only was she firmly supportive, but she said she&#39;s excited and even into it. like she&#39;s hyped to have me as her partner do that. ... i hadn&#39;t realized how much i needed that to undo my past until i had it from her. i have a well-documented tendency to scrounge joy from things as long as i see they make my partner happy - stemming from my upbringing and buttressed by that pre-transition relationship - so it&#39;s so easy for me to make a kind of uneasy peace with my body as it is. but without that - and actually having the opposite of that - i feel so much lighter making that call for myself just recently, i told that ex of mine - we&#39;re still good friends - about my plan and accidentally painted myself into a corner by mentioning obliquely that i&#39;ve historically had a hard time feeling like choices like this are okay/not selfish. it was honestly a bit jarring to see that she was a little bit defensive about it, with the standard normative talking points of &quot;well, everybody finds different things attractive&quot; which is totally fair, everyone gets to choose who they&#39;re with... but that&#39;s also not the stance a transitioning person needs from their partner. especially with how even for someone who knows they need a big medical intervention, the process can come with temporary fears to proceed where you need encouragement instead of &quot;well if it&#39;s scary, then it might not be for you&quot; in that moment i vividly felt so grateful that i&#39;m not in a relationship with her anymore but instead with @eri now i have what i need #transfem #trans #transition

Replies (12)

@Tessa@fandom.garden 2026-04-22 05:27

it has been wild to notice the effect this realization has had on my sexuality like, this clarity about myself as someone who's going to have a pussy in the future has made my sexual response so much stronger in a really hot way: it's very all-encompassing and fulfilling. getting hornier after realizing i need bottom surgery was definitely not on my bingo card it's also really interesting to me that my go-to sexual fantasy for this isn't even penetrative sex: the gold and silver medal go to getting eaten out and getting fingered (which i already somehow have strong opinions about: has to be middle and ring finger). very counterintuitive from a heteronormative lens, so maybe that's just me lezzing out about my girlfriend~ that's the beauty of being bisexual: doesn't fuckin' matter what your gender is, you'll always be gay :sparklesBi: ...that's not to say bottoming doesn't factor in *tucks hair behind ear* let's not get it twisted nowww~ this girl is gonna fucking. get. ittt. and at the same time i'm gonna fucking rockkk wearing a strap. i'm lowkey going to probably be more of a top after bottom surgery lmao even if everything is far out ahead of me still and nothing has been booked or even approved, the fact that the days feel numbered makes it so much easier to deal with my body misrepresenting how i feel my desire in the interim #trans #transfem #transition

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@transcendentempress@eldritch.cafe 2026-04-15 07:03

@Tessa @eri So happy for you! :blob_cat_heart:

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@peachymist@labyrinth.zone 2026-04-15 07:06

@Tessa @eri (serious professional voice) highly recommend getting a pussy

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@ikol@fandom.garden 2026-04-15 12:45

@Tessa I love this for you!!! 🔥 As someone who also has, in the past, let partners influence my wishes for transition I feel you so much! Having an encouraging and supportive partner makes a world of difference!

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@Willow@chaosfem.tw 2026-04-15 13:00

@Tessa @eri This resonates a lot. My ex, who I was with when I started transition, told me in my coming out conversation that she was glad I didn’t want bottom surgery. That fucked me up. My girlfriend now is so happy for me, and her joy about me getting the transition care I need has been really healing.

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@akiiwata@plush.city 2026-04-15 15:22

@Tessa @eri You two.... :QueerCatLove_Genderqueer: :neohaj_hug_heart: I hope things go well if you decide to proceed down that route.. 🩷 🩵

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@steff@soc.femme.cat 2026-04-15 17:26

@Tessa @eri It’s frequently really hard to put our own desires and needs ahead of those of partners or family. I feel like there’s a line we all kinda walk to both push forward, and yet not alienate or shock those we care about. Even when we have support, we still have our own self-doubts and baggage to process. I am so happy that you’ve found your path forward. It’s not nearly as easy a journey as many people think.

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@miriamrobern@dice.camp 2026-04-15 20:29

@Tessa @eri woot woot! best of luck pursuing your dreams, love. and it is legit an amazing process. i also had the hormone-induced "my bits work differently now" and ive been surprised and overjoyed how post-surgery those sensations are lining up and finally making sense.

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@eri@plush.city 2026-04-16 05:07

@Tessa i am so deeply honored to go on this journey with you... we're going to walk it together every step and relish in every bit of joy along the way honestly i'm over the moon about this as you know, and i want to celebrate this decision of yours for the rest of our lives 👰‍♀️👰‍♀️ i'm really sorry that it took until me for a partner to help you feel okay enough to do this... you'll never have to worry about that again ❤️‍🩹

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@Numerfolt@kirche.social 2026-04-16 06:29

@Tessa @eri I'm really happy for you two :) And it's so cool to read that you now have the support you need!

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@neku@ieji.de 2026-04-22 05:44

@Tessa @eri I'm a cis bi dude. So my opinion isn't worth anything in this discourse (even though I can 100% empathize with your decision). But I want to say good for both of you. I hope that both of you live a long and happy life together ❤️. Please use your time well and be naughty time doesn't wind back and it's easier to commemorate the experience of bodily love when it's done extensively. At least that's what I tell myself with my bf and his MPREG

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@FinalGirl@blackqueer.life 2026-04-22 16:57

@Tessa @eri Holy shit I could have written this. And the responses you got, and how they hit you, jesus, I could have written this. I'm so happy you've made this choice for yourself! Hell yeah it's scary… it was the scariest thing I ever did! But so was transition. 🤷‍♀️

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