#failedtransition

sitting here in sunroom at lappy, in jammies & gown, deferring da shower coz in da shower, gotta wash da hair [hate doing this!] coz then i gotta move some furniture & ornaments outta da way in my study, loungeroom, & garage, to make access space coz tomorrow morn, whilst da sparrows are still farting, there's gonna be a knock at the front door and i gotta open it and i gotta welcome in ~5 strangers whose conceptual arrival has been several years in the dreaming, & deferring, & abandoning, & reawakening, & dreaming, then finally a coupla months ago in self-defiance with new-found determination to finally Do It & so these five strangers gonna be here for a long day tomorrow somehow i have to endure this intense close-quarter peopling and hope they're kind & only laugh about me behind my back rather than to my face but if i get thru it all then... ...by tomorrow night my house will be warmed by RCAC not gas, & my water will be heated by heat-pump not gas and if that happens & works well then i'll be a happy dropbear but all that peopling so i be sitting here in sunroom at lappy, in jammies & gown, deferring da shower #depression #socialphobia #failedtransition #dropbearelectrification #rcac #heatpumps #climatecrisis #renewableenergy

given my entirely internal existence >=2010, it's ofc purely academic, but if i were ever gonna buy another #bike, it'd be another #MountainBike, & certainly not, never, an #ebike , euw. occasionally if i venture into my de-carred garage, & see my orange m/b still hanging there, sadly still with its buckled rear wheel from the spoke that broke during my final ride of it, in 2005, early during my #transition, it makes me pretty emotional. i used to love riding it. fuck i've lost so much. 🥺 #dropbearshit #failedtransition #depression #socialphobia #riding