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helplessduck

@helplessduck@beige.party
mastodon 4.6.5
  • Open on beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night.
Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice.
Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

744 Followers
1176 Following
50 Posts
Joined May 16, 2025
Previous home:
@helplessduck@mastodon.online
Location:
On a little pond, in the mddle of nowhere

Posts

Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 14, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @LibertyForward1@beige.party
@LibertyForward1@beige.party Dysentery Disco.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 11, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

Sweetie. Darling. It's a LaCroix.

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 11, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

It took a while, but I've finally been victimized by the US medical billing/insurance nightmare. I've been on the phone for six hours and have to wait thirty days for a resolution.

The moral of the story is to always open your mail and never trust anyone to do the job they are paid to do, even if, and maybe especially if they explicitly say they are going to do it.

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Lizette603_23@mastodon.social
@Lizette603_23@mastodon.social As a soon to be impoverished grad student, I don't think I can afford a balcony. Or smoking. Or shopping.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Lizette603_23@mastodon.social
@Lizette603_23@mastodon.social I was thinking that if I put pockets into it, it could make a lovely sleeping gown.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @MedeaVanamonde@beige.party
@MedeaVanamonde@beige.party Do you want me to put on the gown to throw the temper tantrum, or...
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @jeridansky@sfba.social
@jeridansky@sfba.social Thank you!!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @TheSwiv@hear-me.social
@TheSwiv@hear-me.social Thank you!!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @SnowyCA@social.vivaldi.net
@SnowyCA@social.vivaldi.net The helpless stays. I make more friends that way. Thank you!!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @wendynather@infosec.exchange
@wendynather@infosec.exchange Thank you!!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @CiaraNi@mastodon.green
@CiaraNi@mastodon.green Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @PetraPhoenix@beige.party
@PetraPhoenix@beige.party Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Gorfram@beige.party
@Gorfram@beige.party Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @MedeaVanamonde@beige.party
@MedeaVanamonde@beige.party I expect you arranged some kind of festival on the west coast to celebrate my ascendance? How is that going? What's the attendance like?
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Bobsee@hachyderm.io
@Bobsee@hachyderm.io Thank you!! Hopefully grad school. Fingers crossed for funding.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @CStamp@mastodon.social
@CStamp@mastodon.social It's a canard to lure people into my traps. But don't tell anyone. Thank you!!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Kathmandu@stranger.social
@Kathmandu@stranger.social Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @akamran@indieweb.social
@akamran@indieweb.social Thank you!!! I actually do remember that bit, but I must have seen it in re-runs? Should I have told mom, "no, you ruined it?" 😂
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @anguinea@mstdn.social
@anguinea@mstdn.social [pumps fist] Two degrees down. Two to go! Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Lizette603_23@mastodon.social
@Lizette603_23@mastodon.social I sincerely appreciate it! Thank you!! 😊
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @lucybeahere@mstdn.social
@lucybeahere@mstdn.social Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @ozeng@aus.social
@ozeng@aus.social Thanks so much! Mom, who was taking the pics, lamented that it hadn't worked out perfectly. But this is much much better.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Elleaster@ohai.social
@Elleaster@ohai.social Thank you!! 🦆😂
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @avlcharlie@mastodon.social
@avlcharlie@mastodon.social Thanks!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @somcak@beige.party
@somcak@beige.party Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Pollinators@epicure.social
@Pollinators@epicure.social Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @robdaemon@hachyderm.io
@robdaemon@hachyderm.io Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @SRLevine@neuromatch.social
@SRLevine@neuromatch.social THANKS! I'm still on the fence on if the gnashing of the teeth was worth it. That woman could still ruin my life. Final grades are due Wednesday!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @NorcalGma2@sfba.social
@NorcalGma2@sfba.social Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Wallflower@beige.party
@Wallflower@beige.party Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @11TopHats@mastodonapp.uk
@11TopHats@mastodonapp.uk Thank you!!
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Open post
helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 10, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @VWDasher@mymasto.com
@VWDasher@mymasto.com Oh, I am. I'm not belittling it. I'm just... (I dunno probably too acutely) aware of where I am on the ladder?
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 09, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @VWDasher@mymasto.com
@VWDasher@mymasto.com To the halfway point, yeah. I got two more degrees to go. 🫠
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 09, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @autolycos@beige.party
@autolycos@beige.party Caught in one of those damn trees behind me. Windy day.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 09, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

Bitches, I AM GRADUATED.

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 05, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @djm62@beige.party
@djm62@beige.party I wonder if that bug is just in Waterfox? I just opened it in Firefox on my iPhone and the keyboard worked.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 05, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @helplessduck@beige.party
@djm62@beige.party That was fun! Cryptpad is neat.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 05, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @helplessduck@beige.party
@djm62@beige.party Can you do things to this? https://cryptpad.fr/doc/#/2/doc/edit/ESyRp10Q2fWEWtWZJI6pE6b3/
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · May 05, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @djm62@beige.party
@djm62@beige.party I feel like Cryptpad might be able to do this?
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 27, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

If anyone is selling two year medically induced comas that I can call an extended vacation or research sabbatical or something?

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 26, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

Not enough rain, but plenty of potatoes.

#Cats #CatsOfMastodon

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 24, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Edelruth@mastodon.online
@Edelruth@mastodon.online If you're planning on tracking this, I want to thank you for the sacrifice you're making.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 23, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @chickpeapole@mastodon.social
@chickpeapole@mastodon.social Well, I'll see her in court. Already got the wig!
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 23, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @cinderdazzle612@apobangpo.space
@cinderdazzle612@apobangpo.space It'd be cheaper for me to pick up a raging cocaine habit. 😂
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 23, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @Bette@mstdn.social
@Bette@mstdn.social I do loves the little flibbertigibbet.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 23, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

Someone was just informed by the household parliamentarian that there is no legal or historical precedent for cats eating sashimi-grade tuna. Ever. And, very certainly never twice in the same week.

#CatsOfMastodon #Cats

beige.party

beige.party

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 18, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @MedeaVanamonde@beige.party
@MedeaVanamonde@beige.party Words of wisdom.
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 18, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

The Princess is Awake: A Tragedy in Four Frames.

#Caturday #CatsOfMastodon #Cats

beige.party

beige.party

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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 15, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party
Replying to @TeeCeeGee@toot.community
@TeeCeeGee @intrepidhero @ai6yr Father? Is that you?
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helplessduck
helplessduck @helplessduck@beige.party · Apr 12, 2026
helplessduck
@helplessduck@beige.party

The terror that quacks in the night. Follow me for clever tricks and miserable advice. Call me: He/Him/Michael/Arrogant Jackass.

beige.party

The ridiculous size of the modern roaster chicken is a conspiracy. Big Meat™️ and the Lodge cookware company want you to think a seven pound chicken is perfectly normal, but it's not.

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beige.party
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