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  If I were a D&D character, I feel like I'd have very high intelligence and a severe negative wisdom modifier.

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  I learned today that I have a moderately leaky bicuspid aorta, and I'm gonna need to have it replaced probably in the next 2-12 years. Maybe sooner if I decide to become a power lifter (HA!), maybe longer if I become ultra fit, but not that long from now. I don't have symptoms, which is good. He mentioned some things that I forget the details of, but they were good things. He says the risk of death in surgery is about one in a thousand, but that that number captures *every* kind of ao...

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  I would be guzzling five cups of coffee a day even if it was bad for me.

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  If someone ever told me "lower your tone when you talk to me," I would have to laugh at them until they killed me.

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  I bought dress shoes today, and I unwittingly tried on a pair of Florsheims. Psychotically uncomfortable. The only reason to wear such shoes is as part of a punishment ritual to display loyalty.

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  I called my kids silly geese and my 3yo daughter screamed "WE ARE NOT GEESE!!!"

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  Stripping away millennia of context and coercion until I am just an atom in a single-family home drinking egg nog next to a noble fir and dumbing out to O Holy Night.

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  Am I dumb or was Graham Platner just Joe Exotic with only slightly better hair and qualitatively different baggage?

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  Another entry from my sister's catalog. She bought the original at a garage sale and added the worms and googly eye herself, but that's where all the magic came from.

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  Found one of my sister's originals from back when making pictures with computers required work and imagination: EDIT: she tells me it is titled "Carpless Whisper."

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  Good, I'm glad the USMNT got the horse whipping it so richly deserved. I hope it shuts up the people who had the audacity to suggest we could win.

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  Imagine Belgium, the most monstrous of all the colonial powers, being the good guy.

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  Well, that's on schedule. My mom is screaming and crying and slamming doors because she accidentally whapped my son on the butt while playing "Up high, down low" and my son said "that's a private part!" and we agreed with him that it is. Rather than this becoming a perfectly normal conversation between kids and adults about how it's true that we shouldn't touch other people on the butt, but that this was an accident during a gam...

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  Kubrick stare at the last brownie in my parents' fridge.

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  I have never liked Graham Platner because I think Nazi tattoos are disqualifying and being a shithead to women is disqualifying. I didn't need SA allegations to think he was a fuckwad. But I also wasn't champing at the bit against him because I'm not a Mainer and I generally liked his headlining policy priorities more than I liked Janet Mills'. It's not a psyop, it's not him getting spiked, he's just a shitty guy who sucks, and it'...

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  The U.S. is finally a soccer country (because of the brazen corruption, not because we're good at it or even like it).

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  I've been pretty quiet lately because I've been telling people America was actually founded in 1789 and they Do. Not. Want. To. Hear. It.

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  Every time someone gets paid for being wrongfully fired for criticizing Charlie Kirk, he gets dunked in the lake of flaming bees.

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  It is never too late to say, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, and all I can do is mend my ways and beg for forgiveness." And even then, sometimes that ain't enough:

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  I convinced my kids that they throw you out of the airplane if you smoke cigarettes. They spent a good chunk of the flight looking to see if anyone would light up.

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  Did we ever learn who let the dogs out or...?

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  Got to introduce my 6yo son to The Brave Little Toaster while he was recovering from anesthesia and dental work. It rips.

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  I still check in on The Atlantic sometimes because I forgot to cancel my subscription, but their feelings on DSA candidates romping to victories across the country can comfortably be summarized as "hoes mad."

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  I think it's possible some right-wingers get so mad about the SCOTUS birthright decision (which, again, changed nothing and reaffirmed the law exactly as it has been for 160 years) that they literally die.

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  I've been cat sitting for a friend, and I can't figure out how his family does it. They eat right. They exercise. They arrange their space nicely and tastefully. They don't have too many things, but the things they have are nice. Their plants aren't dead. It's not even a neurotypical thing: my friend and his wife have ADHD in abundance. Their house looks like it is full of love I think I'm a bad at being a person. My home is choked with clutter and stuff that we cannot s...

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  At a birthday party, watching my son be as much of an unhinged dork as I have always been. God, it's gonna be a rough 20 years until he figures other people out.

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  Idea: garbage trucks that burp.

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  "The pigeons are dead. We're the pigeons now."

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  Seven days in and I'm feeling a little rough. I am extremely attentive to the ways I am not doing things perfectly and am reading that as everyone in my life despising me. It's the perfectionist streak that guided me through law school, and it's an awful feeling. Last night, I made a tasty miso glaze for some salmon and I made sure I didn't get too much salt on my portion, but then I went back for more. I'm sure I blew through my daily recommended sodium...

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  Today saw more pep in my step, although I am pushing against the limits of the goals I have set for myself. To wit, I ate: -A bowl of grape nuts with chia seeds, flax seeds, cashews, almonds, honey, and 2% milk. -A large, lightly dressed salad of lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and parmesan cheese; a portion of carrots and zucchini; a half portion of rice pilaf; and a half portion of chicken in some kind of cream sauce. -a breath mint. -a small golden mango. -a banana. -two hard-boiled eggs do...