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@burgerdrome@aus.social

2023-09-11 08:23 UTC

I love my smart TV. I love the way it takes a long time to boot up because it's trying to refresh the advertisements on the home screen. I delight in the way it randomly restarts because it's downloaded an update without asking me, each of which makes the TV slower and slower with every subsequent install. I adore the way it buries the apps that I want to use, and that I use without fail every single time, below the apps that it's being paid to promote and which I have never touched in my life and would never use without the cold metal of a glock pressed hard against my sweating temple. I am infinitely thrilled by the way the interface lags constantly, due to the need to have one thousand unnecessary animations rendered on hardware ripped wholesale from a ten year old phone. I feel myself borne aloft on wings of pure joy when I am notified that my data will be collected and analysed to determine my useage patterns. Even now I am writing this from a field of beautiful flowers and soft luscious grass as I lie and look up happily at the bright blue sky, smiling happily to know that this is the future of technology

Replies (40)

  • @burgerdrome@aus.social 2023-09-11 11:03

    lord save me from unsolicited tech advice

    Open ##2884259

  • @dj2mn@mastodon.sdf.org 2023-09-11 08:33

    @burgerdrome@aus.social maybe try free to air? My 10+ year old 27” Samsung Tv still going great and doesn’t spy on me because it can’t. (Funny story, when the antenna distribution system in our apartment block died recently, we were the only ones to complain. We already knew we were the weird old couple in the building but that proved it decisively 🤪 We tried using The Internet while it was off but the experience was too awful, much as you describe in fact.)

    Open ##2884270

  • @ecoscore@aus.social 2023-09-11 08:40

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I haven't bought a TV for 15 years so this is like science fiction to me. But hardly surprising now that I think about it

    Open ##2884288

  • @burgerdrome@aus.social I know it's effectively sort of the same thing but I've had a better experience turning off the network on the TV and connecting an external Roku stick. It has the advantage at least that Roku don't care about selling me a new TV so it keeps getting updates to work with new versions of services, and I can just use the TV unencumbered for broadcast.

    Open ##2884290

  • @witewulf@mastodonapp.uk 2023-09-11 09:02

    @burgerdrome@aus.social that's a nice long list of reasons not to buy a TV running Android! Long time fan of LG's webOS here, which exhibits very few, if any, of those issues. I can't recommend it enough as a product range

    Open ##2884291

  • @sinjut@aus.social 2023-09-11 09:03

    @burgerdrome@aus.social Post of the year.

    Open ##2884294

  • @Farbs@mastodon.social 2023-09-11 09:21

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I especially love that 9 months into owning it, I'm still not entirely sure whether my tv can tune in to broadcast signals.

    Open ##2884295

  • @allsumnull@mastodon.cloud 2023-09-11 09:29

    @burgerdrome@aus.social same. Futterly uucked.

    Open ##2884296

  • @whatshisays@aus.social 2023-09-11 09:38

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I've played with enough smart tv test units to know I will never want one... So basically if the Chromecast stops being a thing I will be quite upset.

    Open ##2884297

  • @MaQuest@mastodon.green 2023-09-11 10:04

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I stopped watching TV Christmas 2021 📺

    Open ##2884299

  • @andycarolan@social.lol 2023-09-11 10:08

    @burgerdrome@aus.social Smart TVs aren't all that smart. Give me a big dumb screen with 14 HDMI ports and I will plug what I want into it. @whatshisays@aus.social

    Open ##2884300

  • @Jain@blob.cat 2023-09-11 10:10

    @burgerdrome@aus.social i recommend buying a big Computer Monitor as TV because they are dumb and dont do such shit

    Open ##2884303

  • @burgerdrome@aus.social well all this bloatware can be uninstalled be the european users starting August 2023. Will the providers comply with the new EU law? We'll see. My Xiaomi phone definitely is not complying yet with DMA (Digital Markets Act). https://commission.europa.eu/strategy-and-policy/priorities-2019-2024/europe-fit-digital-age/digital-markets-act-ensuring-fair-and-open-digital-markets_en

    Open ##2884304

  • @jane23c@toot.community 2023-09-11 10:48

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I feel you. Mine keeps stopping these days - so annoying. If anyone out there can give us tips on telling stupid #SmartTV to at least ask before it updates, or better still get rid of ads, I'd be astonishingly grateful. #tech #bigbrother This is not #progress.

    Open ##2884306

  • @burgerdrome@aus.social Agree on all points. The only thing with a tuner I own is an old hotel TV I brought for £10 from a charity shop, and that's because it has a great selection of inputs for old consoles, hah.

    Open ##2884307

  • @gavinisdie@masto.ai 2023-09-11 10:51

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I'm glad I still have a "dumb" TV, leave all the "smart" stuff to streaming boxes and game consoles

    Open ##2884308

  • @jbaert@mastodon.social 2023-09-11 10:52

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I just treat my Smart TV like a dumb TV, disconnect it from the network and use a different, more capable and focused device as a media center.

    Open ##2884309

  • @chiefoldmist@mastodon.cloud 2023-09-11 10:57

    @burgerdrome@aus.social Roku @glynmoody@mastodon.social

    Open ##2884310

  • @Ruskin_Marc@mastodon.world 2023-09-11 11:39

    @burgerdrome@aus.social One of these: https://www.raspberrypi.com/products/raspberry-pi-tv-hat/ On a Pi With some of this: https://libreelec.tv/ Fulfills all my (admittedly limited) TV requirements with the occasional adjunct of a budget chromecast dongle so I can watch GCN bikeracing from my phone.

    Open ##2884330

  • @burgerdrome@aus.social Well done. excellent copypasta

    Open ##2884331

  • @MoBlack@mastodon.online 2023-09-11 11:57

    @burgerdrome@aus.social a lot of software is written on top of layers of other software by people who do not really understand or care to understand what the CPU or memory is really doing, all to serve features users don't really need. You would expect with technology getting better computers would get faster but it's not actually the case

    Open ##2884332

  • @fb@social.abraum.de 2023-09-11 11:59

    @burgerdrome@aus.social yeah, it is insane. in my livingroom there is a sony android tv, a denon reciever and a ps5. each of these wants network, accounts, needs updates and all that stuff. i wish sony would sellco sumer devices with just the panel with one hdmi input, no speakers and no options other than energy saving maybe. just a 4k oled screen with no options. all of them sell public signage displays, which are basically that, but at 3x the price. meh.

    Open ##2884333

  • @raffitz@icosahedron.website 2023-09-11 12:02

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment, but aren't Glocks notably made of plastic?

    Open ##2884334

  • @wisel@mastodonapp.uk 2023-09-11 12:15

    @burgerdrome@aus.social spot on

    Open ##2884336

  • @Lumpbucket@mastodon.social 2023-09-11 12:23

    @burgerdrome@aus.social yeah, I've used a few brands of SmartTV over the years, and the Samsung one seems to be the shittiest. My favourite is my FirefoxOS based Panasonic. The OS is so simple and basic, but it's very quick to achieve what you want because of it, and there are only 3 small advert boxes that are non intrusive and easy to ignore.

    Open ##2884337

  • @llamasoft_ox@toot.wales 2023-09-11 12:30

    @burgerdrome@aus.social that's just capitalism doing what it does, making everything trend towards increasing mediocrity in the hope of wringing more money out of people. Bugger UX, gotta get as many eyeballs on these apps as possible even if 99% of the people will never use them.

    Open ##5427705

  • @tezoatlipoca@mas.to 2023-09-11 12:59

    @burgerdrome@aus.social The song of my people. I especially love how, for those of us who eschew Smart "anything" for all of the "benefits" you itemize, it is increasingly harder to find Dumb appliances and electronics anymore. I drive my TV from a computer thanks. I just want a really big really crisp screen with 3-4 HDMI inputs and color, contrast and brightness controls, is that so much to ask? Apparently so.

    Open ##5427706

  • @Rocket@det.social 2023-09-11 13:05

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I love about smart TVs that they scream for a nerd like me who uses adb to send the android tv bloatware back to the hell it came from.

    Open ##5427709

  • @sepfeiffer@mstdn.social 2023-09-11 13:10

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I had been warned, but not with such specificity. Thanks!

    Open ##5427710

  • @joshgammon@mstdn.social 2023-09-11 13:21

    @burgerdrome@aus.social “how can we make TVs worse?” - every company

    Open ##5427711

  • @candlesnuff@toot.wales 2023-09-11 13:24

    @burgerdrome@aus.social When I have the choice, I find it almost always easier to use a phone, tablet or even my laptop to AirPlay to my TV than the streaming box. And both are easier than the smart TV I use the rest of the time.

    Open ##5427713

  • @burgerdrome@aus.social You'd think since you know, you bought their TV, they'd want it to work decently so you'll want to buy another one when the time comes and recommend them to your friends. But it's all about the 5 cents of ad revenue they can get NOW. Personally I think roku is the least bad option but they're not innocent either.

    Open ##5427714

  • @grum999@masto.ai 2023-09-11 13:29

    @burgerdrome@aus.social didn't tried this FREE TV yet? https://www.theverge.com/2023/5/15/23721674/telly-free-tv-streaming-ilya-pozin-ads On my side, I gave my TV in 2005 and never had one anymore since this time I feel really better without than with :ablobcatattentionreverse:

    Open ##5427715

  • @llywrch@masto.ai 2023-09-11 13:37

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I miss having this pleasure with my tv. Perhaps it’s because the company that made it (Olevia) went out of business & the PTB lack access to the needed APIs?

    Open ##5427716

  • @2dayStubble@sfba.social 2023-09-11 13:39

    @burgerdrome@aus.social Mmm, how do you spell fascinating (I mean facetious)? Thank you for the accurate descriptions. So relatable!

    Open ##5427717

  • @mjr@masto.bike 2023-09-11 13:44

    @burgerdrome@aus.social you love it because it's discouraged you watching TV and you've gone walking in flower fields instead?

    Open ##5427718

  • @Plumbert@thecanadian.social 2023-09-11 14:01

    @burgerdrome@aus.social Brilliant use of sarcasm. No notes.

    Open ##5427719

  • @KingDeadWolf@meow.social 2023-09-11 14:12

    @burgerdrome@aus.social It sucks that the options for "Dumb" TVs today are junk tiny screens that are budget-priced for a reason or commercial-grade stuff that isn't horribly priced, but meant for digital signage, so stuff like gaming or any fast-motion content is not going to be great viewing quality. I'd love to know if there are any good options out there in this field, but reviews are few and far between it seems.

    Open ##5427720

  • @henstridge@mstdn.social 2023-09-11 14:23

    @burgerdrome@aus.social Where can I get one!

    Open ##5427721

  • @donw@mastodon.coffee 2023-09-11 15:01

    @burgerdrome@aus.social I’m gonna bookmark this for the next time someone side-eyes me for spending money on some sort of streamer hardware product “when that stuff all comes in the tv already now.”

    Open ##5427722