Post #3035398
2026-06-01 23:48 UTC
Replies (13)
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@Melezioh@mstdn.games 2026-06-02 04:09
Continued: (Because an edit would spam way too many people) Men should obviously hold each other accountable Men should obviously do better Obviously only encourage and push men when it is safe to do so, it is not your responsibility unless you are a man but don’t be counterproductive either. Just when you say those things it’s only harmful. Saying men are evil, testosterone is evil, men are bad or men need to be feminized all says there’s something inherently wrong with being a man or masculine. If that’s the case then nothing can be done and that is simply not true.
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@MaddieM4@raphus.social 2026-06-02 00:01
@Melezioh@mstdn.games With the exception of one particular ex (who was just a nightmare for entirely individual reasons), the trans men in my life have pretty reliably demonstrated that men are capable of being incredibly kind, thoughtful, and fun to be around. Which ends up poking a big hole in the excuses I've heard from some cis men who desperately needed to step up their game.
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@samiamsam@mastodon.social 2026-06-02 00:11
@Melezioh@mstdn.games bears
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@mjdxp@labyrinth.zone 2026-06-02 01:39
@Melezioh@mstdn.games most trans men i know are significantly more normal than most cis men i know. i presume it's because they're usually not encouraged from a young age to be terrible people by everything in society?
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@renardboy@mastodon.social 2026-06-02 01:40
@Melezioh@mstdn.games preach bro
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@greensofshade@mastodon.social 2026-06-02 02:20
@Melezioh@mstdn.games How about we just stop treating men like little children we have to explain everything to while avoiding to say things that make them get mad... men are adults too...
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@disorderlyf@todon.eu 2026-06-02 02:44
@Melezioh@mstdn.games I suspect we agree on this point. For those also reading, the problem was never testosterone or men being manly. When we said toxic masculinity was a problem, we were talking about toxic as a qualifier that turns otherwise fine behaviour into, well, toxic ones. Liking manly things or presenting in a masculine way, even a hypermasculine way, is not the problem. Using it as an excuse to be a prick is. edited to fix a typo
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@Melezioh@mstdn.games 2026-06-02 03:49
@TrueNorthSpice@mastodon.world okay but whats wrong with encouraging a behavior you want to see? Men should hold men accountable so whats wrong with positive reinforcement?
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@Melezioh@mstdn.games 2026-06-02 04:12
@TrueNorthSpice@mastodon.world Maybe this continuation will help understand what I mean? Also, I am a trans man. I very much understand what it’s like being seen as a woman around men and such. I know stats. I will read the article but I’m working. Men should obviously hold each other accountable Men should obviously do better Obviously only encourage and push men when it is safe to do so, it is not your responsibility unless you are a man but don’t be counterproductive either. Just when you say those things it’s only harmful. Saying men are evil, testosterone is evil, men are bad or men need to be feminized all says there’s something inherently wrong with being a man or masculine. If that’s the case then nothing can be done and that is simply not true.
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@Melezioh@mstdn.games 2026-06-02 13:30
@TrueNorthSpice@mastodon.world I read the article. Sorry for responding before reading but I thought I could clear some things up initially. The stats are not surprising I knew many of them and I’ve lived it and experienced the violence and know plenty of others that have too. What do you mean by “ Please do not assume I make such comments, and I resent your implication I gave a nod of approval in that direction because you're reading into my reply something that does not exist.” I do not understand your meaning here. The whole point of my post was that it only does harm saying those things because it insinuates there is something essentially and inherently wrong with men and masculinity and there isn’t. Men aren’t inherently bad, that takes responsibility away from men. Men can and should do better. Men should hold each other accountable. I never said it wasn’t mens responsibility to do the work, to do better. So I’m confused why you’ve taken issue with my post and posted the article. Could you elaborate?
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@ryker_rf5@void.rehab 2026-06-02 03:18
@Melezioh@mstdn.games my main feminist gripe with the whole “men are evil” thing is that it feels like it takes responsibility away from individual men making bad choices. Like a woke version of “boys will be boys” if you will. Yes, patriarchy is bad and we all suffer for it, and yes patriarchy primes men to think of women as objects and therefore “ok to abuse,” but it is still a choice that each abuser makes to inflict abuse, and in addition to focusing on the societal level we need to be focusing on the choices of individuals as well.
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@continuity0@mastodon.social 2026-06-02 04:20
@Melezioh@mstdn.games @blogdiva@mastodon.social True masculinity does not stem from domination and illusory power and control. It derives from the strength to be compassionate, communicative, to be a protector, not a warrior, to have the capacity for gentleness, to share and welcome. I was raised without the vocabulary to understand gender roles in an equitable system. Now that I have a remedial understanding of it, I have a base understanding of what masculinity should be. We have greatly damaged males in the US.
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@iscarlosmolero@raccoonisland.social 2026-06-02 04:29
@Melezioh@mstdn.games It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you tell a child that they are inherently bad because of who they are, the more they will internalize those problematic behavioral patterns as part of an immutable identity. This is why we should stop labeling people based on inherent traits like gender, and start labeling actions.