Post #2097474
2024-12-21 20:34 UTC
Replies (30)
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@dys_morphia@sfba.social 2024-12-21 20:43
@digichelle@hachyderm.io excellent reminder—there are so many good reasons someone may decline and so many of them relate to deeply private matters
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@vgarzareyna@mstdn.mx 2024-12-21 20:53
@digichelle@hachyderm.io it never occurred to me to ask why. i usually just think they just don't want right now(?
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@chefraven@sfba.social 2024-12-21 20:56
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I’m not sober but I rarely drink when I’m out. I will never understand why anyone would care.
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@CatDragon@mastodon.world 2024-12-21 21:14
@digichelle@hachyderm.io could be on a don’t drink medication. Could be maybe pregnant or trying. Could be in recovery. Could be they don’t care to. Definitely isn’t anyone’s business and if it bothers you that they aren’t drinking maybe you ought to take a hard look at yourself.
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@ScoterD@alaskan.social 2024-12-21 22:20
@digichelle@hachyderm.io good manners are appreciated (you wrote, donʼt ask why someone refuses an alcoholic drink) Someone told me of a kind experience (newly resolved not to drink alcohol, sitting at a public event where wine was poured at each place, the young fellow (probably 30 years younger), just asked, "if youʼre not going to drink that, may I?" Person I know was much relieved that the drink was gracefully removed from her setting.
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@dirkhh@hachyderm.io 2024-12-21 23:10
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I will decline alcoholic drinks in almost all, but not all situations. And if I want you to know why I do that, I'll tell you. And if I don't... move on.
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@camertron@ruby.social 2024-12-21 23:29
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I'm not a recovering alcoholic, but I also hate being asked why.
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@pauamma@mstdn.social 2024-12-21 23:41
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Same goes at any event where alcoholic drinks are served.
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@LPerry2@mastodon.social 2024-12-21 23:57
@digichelle@hachyderm.io As a hostess, I always thought the appropriate response was, "What can I get you instead?" Followed by a list of nonalcoholic options on hand.
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@noondlyt@hellions.cloud 2024-12-21 23:59
@digichelle@hachyderm.io That's terrible.
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@Karen5Lund@mastodon.social 2024-12-22 00:04
@digichelle@hachyderm.io The only appropriate response to a refusal is along the lines of "Can I get you something else, then?" And suggest a few nonalcoholic beverages you have. BTW, another reason not to drink alcohol is that it is not recommended while on some antibiotics. I had to go dry while having root canal (and, trust me, I could've used some booze!).
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@meena@glitch.social 2024-12-22 00:07
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I started saying, "Because I'm an alcoholic" two weeks after i quit drinking, some twelve years ago, but sometimes it really kills the mood of the person asking the question?? they get self conscious and start wondering, if they could be one, too
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@Cycling_Liz@mastodon.social 2024-12-22 00:17
@digichelle@hachyderm.io If someone asks me why I'm not drinking, I will literally scare/bore them to death talking about parosmia as a result of a COVID infection. It will scare/bore them sufficiently that they'll wish they'd never asked. That'll teach them! 🤷 #CovidsNotOver #Alcohol #Parosmia
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@Katiame@masto.ai 2024-12-22 00:19
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I don't drink by choice and I think it's rude, too. The question always comes with judgement, more intrusive questions, and unsolicited advice.
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@kbelisari0@fediscience.org 2024-12-22 00:27
@digichelle@hachyderm.io An important reminder. Congrats on your sobriety!
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@RxFire@mstdn.social 2024-12-22 00:40
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Normalize sobriety... The noisy ones are the ones to beware of.
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@jdeisenberg@tech.lgbt 2024-12-22 01:01
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Agree; it should not be asked. If someone does ask me, I’ll jokingly say “I’m mean enough when I’m sober.” (The real reason is that I don’t like the taste of alochol - for me, it tastes bitter, but telling people that does not dissuade them: “Oh, you’ll like .”)
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@B_Archer@tech.lgbt 2024-12-22 01:02
@digichelle@hachyderm.io For real. I don't want to tell everybody my health problems at a gathering.
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@JumpinRudy@mstdn.social 2024-12-22 01:07
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Ask "What would you like to drink?". Have options
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@overmywall@mastodon.social 2024-12-22 01:16
@digichelle@hachyderm.io being asked to justify any personal decision is obnoxious regardless of the context.
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@bedast@beige.party 2024-12-22 01:33
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I would add also don’t pressure them. I’ve seen and experienced this one.
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@Hudson@todon.eu 2024-12-22 01:57
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Such occasions give me the chance to tout my 41 years of sobriety.
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@DrSuzanne@ohai.social 2024-12-22 02:10
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Same for people who refuse food or have certain food preferences.
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@fatherpat@social.boxingpreacher.net 2024-12-22 02:27
@digichelle@hachyderm.io And to be the supportive friend or relative, maybe have a cool non-alcoholic drink as an option.
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@ReverendMoose@mas.to 2024-12-22 03:05
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Agreed, I'm not in the mood for a drink is a legitimate answer and the reasons only get "better" from there. People not drinking is normal and we should treat it as such.
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@fluffydotorg@sfba.social 2024-12-22 03:06
@digichelle@hachyderm.io “no thanks I’m driving” usually helps avoid questions.
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@thefathippy@mastodon.world 2024-12-22 03:31
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Years ago I knew a bloke who didn't drink alcohol. I was rather shocked when he told us, because he immediately also told us he wasn't an alcoholic, he just didn't drink. The shock wasn't that he didn't drink, it was that he felt the need to explain, but I guess he was forestalling the inevitable barrage of questions in a society where alcohol is a heavily promoted norm.
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@tootsinspace@beige.party 2024-12-22 03:51
@digichelle@hachyderm.io thanks for posting this! My mother-in-law literally asks me “don’t you miss it just a little?” I say no, not at all! in my “trying not to strangle you voice”
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@anselmschueler@ieji.de 2024-12-22 04:15
@digichelle@hachyderm.io I get that it's uncomfortable and the person might not want to answer or explain. Is this solely for the benefit of the flustered or those who may have difficulty refusing? If not, what's the harm in asking if you accept a “I don't want to explain, I just don't”?
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@MrLee@aus.social 2024-12-22 04:28
@digichelle@hachyderm.io Don't ask them why, Join them! You will be happier.