Lukas

still flappin'
:aneodog_bongo_hyper:

@TheEvilSkeleton@social.treehouse.systems
Hey, regarding the whole stuff right now and you also being more involved in gnome, what distro do you use and what do you recommend for new linux users.

I tend to Debian kinda, most windows migrands i support seem to have less problems with good ol' debs.

I shouldnt exist even i my view. Let alone talking to people.

i did disgusting stuff in the past. Inflicted hate and pain some experience it even now.

all my open source and open data contributions i do thease days are voiceless and sometimes anonymous... if i do them at all.

i dont like the whole "existing" thing ... i dont want to die because there are seeminly many who like the idea of "me". I dont want them to loose something they like.
Its the only thing next to being afraid of death that keeps me here.

I have therapy every day since 4 years and being 5 years in therapy in earlier life... 7 years therapy in total.
Have been taking many drugs, perscribed and not. No change, most drugs make me sleepy but nothing more.

i still see it the same as the therapy doesnt exist.
the doctors now trying the "throw shit and see what sticks" method of therapy... they have no idea what to do after trying everything from Religous stuff to new medicine to Electroshocks.
I am wasting their time.

Am i just like that? A constant?
I hate the idea of not changing, i am not changing, i hate "me" but i cant die.

i also hate knowing a trans persons deadname because it slips up without me wanting to say it.

If i call a trans person by deadname and i notice that i fumbled again, it righfully feels like someone rips my guts out.
I hate myself for doing that every time.
This results me in avoiding saying any names, saying "you" or "them" only.

i dont know how to control what i say in general i guess, like i want to say something in my head but random shit comes out.

I dont really know why people like me.

I am an idiot who cant express to others what i think without the others rightfully missunderstanding my words.
i leave out critical informations in my texts that leaves others to guess what i mean. Often turning the intention from good to bad.

I dont like talking because everything i say is a landmine. But i cant stop talking.

its easier to say nothing than the right thing.

i hate that.

This didnt age well
@lukas@bark.lgbt

People like my posts still after me being gone so long?

i am happy to see that. I try to pay attention to this but knowing me it wont work out.

So Please DM me!

my matrix is now (at)Lu:lfrx.de
https://matrix.to/#/@lu:lfrx.de

if you dont use matrix, i have discord also
@lfrx.de

i am in the bark.lgbt matrix also

I am not good at social media

BTW, Best looking Mastodon like EVER award??? 🏆
https://denden.world/
<3

@orb@denden.world