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• Post #4499928

  My Socials have started showing me girl dorm room reveals ... Southern mom style. Why are Southern moms so extra?

• Post #4403411

  Terminator: Son sends his father to the past to impregnate his mother so he can be born. Terminator 2: Killer robot becomes father figure to future savior of mankind. Terminator 3: The future cannot be changed. Terminator 4: Timeline's broken. Terminator 5: Broken timeline gets even more broken. Terminator 6: Another timeline ... gets broken. We need Starfleet's Temporal Corps to intervene, come to our timeline, and reset everything. #Terminator

• Post #4387895

  We have a new roommate. We will not be charging them anything, as they are our own private extermination corp.

• Post #4382250

  I believe my mom has entered the second childhood portion of her life.

• Post #4380199

  Be the reason the Dark Lord decides to leave your city alone.

• Post #4364800

  I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, realizing that despite all your protestations, you also love to eat muppet burgers.

• Post #4358838

  One of the fun parts of working with a functional team is that when the blamestorm hits ... we're already ensconsed in the shelter and nothing sticks to us.

• Post #4252599

  If you're a USAian of a certain age, the phrase below will trigger an auditory memory: IN A WORLD ...

• Post #4251706

  Are you an Eagle Tactical Christian man who seeks both purity and a swole body through intense workouts free of temptation from the weaker sex? We are offering LustLock(TM) gyms and workouts where only holy, sanctified, purified manly men of manliness and solid faith work out. Join today! #EagleTactical Article: https://open.substack.com/pub/eagletactical/p/eagle-tactical-lustlock-mens-sanctification

• Post #4215569

  Overheard at the bar, “I know he looks like a sunken-chest, basement-dwelling dork, but I’m telling you, you’d never call the magnificent tumescence he’s packing by its scientific term. To say he’s gifted would be a gross understatement.”

• Post #4168122

  Nice fun little factoid to make your day ... Wilford Brimley was 49 years old when he started filming "Cocoon."

• Post #4073080

  I think one of the hardest things about being a progressive is realizing that there are people out there who ... * Want everything burnt to the ground so we can start all over. OR * Want everything to go back to a fictional time when things were perfect. OR * Want nothing ... absolutely nothing to change.

• Post #4017872

  "Grandma's deviled eggs are truly evil ... they're possessed by the spirit of an old Akkadian demon. They're arbiters of destruction, and absolutely delicious."

• Post #4017848

  “No, that’s not ‘gay.’ THIS is gay: That top with that skirt is a fashion misdemeanor, but those flats elevate the whole outfit to a fashion felony. And you need to find yourself a drag queen so she can give you some make up tips, because … girl … you look like a drunk clown after a rainstorm.”

• Post #4017619

  The English speaking world had Charlie Brown and Snoopy. Latin America had Mafalda, an Argentinian little girl who had an active imagination, friends who represented different segments of society, and who was the voice for justice, democracy, and the protection of the weak and needy. She was still a little girl, and she hated soup. Not dislike, not just hate, loathe. This is by far one of my favorite strips on the subject. Read the description for the translation.

• Post #3980141

  The entire hamlet was relieved as they saw the police vehicle take them away. Women wept, men held on to their children, and children stopped being fearful. Their reign of terror was finally over.

• Post #3973565

  Statements that may or may not be true, but have extensive backstories: "I don't know why they want to divorce me." "I don't understand why my adult children don't want to talk to me at all." "I can't imagine why I am in front of the Hague International court."

• Post #3944741

  “Jack and Jill have lived in their Victorian home for 15 years. Jill wants to move to a more modern home, one that isn’t haunted by an eldritch spirit. Jack insists that he cannot leave the house or the cursed seals will break, bringing forth the end of the world. Will the love the remodel and exorcism, or will they move to a curse-free home? Find out on this week’s very special episode of ‘Love It or List it!’”

• Post #3943633

  At least they no longer kill soccer players for failing to perform properly for their country in the World Cup.

• Post #3873173

  Become ungovernable, like a toddler who’s learned to say “NO!”

• Post #3845008

  Apparently, being a religious club member and getting up in front of an entire plane full of a captive audience to share your “testimony” is now happening? Oof. If it happened on my plane, I’d shout, “Raise your hand if you consider yourself a Xian. Keep your hands up. Now, if you’re embarrassed by this person’s performative witness, please keep your hands up.”

• Post #3841270

  As someone who really likes sunlight and loves summer ... I'm all for DST becoming the default time for USAians. I'm sure there are other people who would prefer Standard Time to rule the land. Either way ... whatever happens, happens.

• Post #3814175

  Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Super Long Day #LongDayMovies #HashTagGames

• Post #3613494

  Let us remember that the much-vaunted Pilgrims were a bunch of religious extremists that moved to America because no one in Europe wanted to have them around judging them for being sinners most foul. Those nutty religious people made Christofascists look tame by comparison.

• Post #3593492

  She likes to celebrate Independence Day by sitting in a Confederate Cemetery, summoning the spirits of the dead, and reminding them that their sacrifice was for nothing.

• Post #3528279

  A Brit and an Aussie look at you askance, smirk in a devil-may-care way, and call you “mate.” Which one makes your knees go all wobbly, and why is it the Australian?

• Post #3494164

  Peter Thiel looks like the kind of guy who wishes he could wear those very cool German WWII uniforms.

• Post #3493776

  Meanwhile, at the White House, Temu Goebbels is upset that his play to end Birthright Citizenship has been turned down by SCOTUS.

• Post #3441664

  Panoramic photo. Doesn’t do it justice, but is amazing. Meteor Crater, AZ

• Post #2537434

  I would groom anywhere for love #DisheveledSongsOrPoems #HashTagGames