#emotions

The feeling when, after a year and a half, you can finally look at your ex from the outside and watch him manipulate his current girlfriend in exactly the same way, using exactly the same tricks he used on me. When we got together, I never wanted to be famous, or even to write publicly at all. Since he had a Telegram channel, after a while he convinced me to start one too and post there. He didn’t force me. I just felt a little suppressed without it. And there it is, happening again a year and a half later, with the next victim. When I met him, I was fragile, awkward, and at one of the lowest points of my life emotionally. It's no coincidence that he keeps going after people like that. And there it is, a year and a half later, and nothing has changed. The only difference is that I've grown stronger since then and I'm comfortable with myself now. His current victim won't be for quite some time. When I first met him, he contacted me every single day. Day and night. The love bombing was beyond anything you could imagine. Then, three months later, that changed when, right after my mother died, he immediately went away for two days to a grill party. His current victim hasn't experienced that yet... Or at least we don't know. She will nonetheless. And I could go on. The worst part is that I'm silently watching all of this happen and I can't say a word. Because seriously, what would it look like if I warned the girl? I'm not going to. Nobody warned me either. Of course, that doesn't mean I have to behave the same way. But in situations like this, I think the best thing is for everyone to learn from their own mistakes. #psichology #relationship #manipulation #ex #emotions #feelings

So, I was alone in my apartment for the first time, in a number of years. And shockingly, despite the #panic and despite my #emotions , I survived the night. Maybe I am not nearly as #depression driven as I thought I was. I miss the presence, but last night, I said fuck it. I went on a date. Brought the date back to my living space, made out and then they went home. And fuck it, I was goddamned happy for a hot minute. is this how it feels?

It’s Sunday morning in Porto, and part of my heart is absolutely in Chicago. ❤️ Today is the Pride Parade there, and dear, dear friends of mine are grand marshals in the parade. I have photographed that parade for years, and I am so proud of the moments, joy, resistance, glitter, sweat, chosen family, and beautifully chaotic humanity I got to capture through my lens. If teleportation existed, I would already be there!! If the Concorde were still flying, I would have found some ridiculous way to get from Porto to Chicago overnight, camera batteries charged, probably wearing the wrong shoes, running on no sleep, and pretending that crossing an ocean after two full BSidesPorto days was a perfectly reasonable life choice. 😸 But I am here. And “here” matters too. The past two days were BSidesPorto, in my new home. I gave my Homelab workshop. I spoke about Cloud Misconfigurations. I met so many incredible people. I got to be part of something built with heart, care, and community. I am deeply honored that this year, the BSidesPorto team made me part of the team! That is not a small thing. 🦩 Chicago will never leave me. It shaped me, sharpened me, gave me a community, gave me Pride behind a camera, gave me friends I will love forever. I’ll be back there in August, because of course I will. Chicago is still stitched into the lining of who I am. But Porto is becoming home. And this weekend reminded me that a new chapter does not erase the old ones. Sometimes life just hands you another city, another community, another room full of people doing good work, and says: “Here. Build here too.” Yesterday was not easy. Before heading to #BSidesPorto I had a bad bleed from my ITP, and I spent a lot of the day feeling out of it while still trying to show up, speak, teach, laugh, connect, and keep moving. My life, apparently, remains allergic to dullness. 🙆‍♀️ But I am still here. Tired? Absolutely. Grateful? Completely. Proud? In more directions than I can count. So today, I am sending all my love to Chicago, to my grand marshal friends, to everyone marching, watching, photographing, dancing, remembering, resisting, and celebrating!! And I am sending so much gratitude to #bsidesporto, to this new community, and to this strange, beautiful, exhausting chapter of my life in Portugal!! ❤️ Two cities. One very tired human. One flamingo probably judging my life choices. And somehow, somehow, it all fits. 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈 🇵🇹 #chicago #porto #CyberSecurity #Pride #infosec @sashatheflamingo@infosec.exchange #emotions

You know when a person who has had difficult relationships tells my partner that our relationship style (which is a poly throuple) will fail because no member of our poly has #Autonomy , means the relationship is doomed to fail, can someone:

1. explain to me why this bothers me?
2. explain to me why this is right or wrong?

#polyam #throuple #triad #relationship #emotions #helpplease #guidance