#agenda

I cancelled on my friend today. We were supposed to go play board games at a cafe. It’s been weeks, because I keep pushing it off. I cancelled to work on a project, the project is due tomorrow, it had to get done, but I could’ve probably set aside a couple hours. I mean, hell breaks are important right? My therapist told me it isn’t bad to procrastinate if it works for you. And it does, work for me that is. I need to be more mindful about it though. I need to plan my procrastination. It isn’t cool to cancel on someone I’ve had plans with for over a week because I failed to properly plan out when to work on my project. That’s not fair to anyone. I’ve always struggled with time management. It sucks cuz like, I know what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to keep an agenda, and fill my calendar, and block out time to do things. In 2026 I’ve got an app that I selfhost which would allow me to do ALL of that, and sync it between my laptop, desktop, and tablet. Yet I don’t use it. I never even hecking touch it. WHAT THE heck NORA? You ever know the solution to all your problems and understand that it’s to just be a completely different person? I wouldn’t be my friend, that sucks. I need to do better. I talk all kinds of heck about my other friends being flaky too, and look at me doing the thing that I’m always hecking about. I know I’m not some awful person, or some heckhole. I just also recognize what a good friend looks like and I’m not that. A good friend shows up when they say they will. A good friend holds space, when someone needs help. A good friend makes time to be with their loved ones. A good friend doesn’t overprioritize ease to the detriment of their relationships. A good friend keeps in contact, and doesn’t wait to be called upon. A good friend reaches out, and doesn’t let anxiety keep them from their loved ones. A good friend reschedules, when things won’t work out quite right. A good friend takes care to do these things before they’re too late. When I started this post I had it titled “I might be a shitty friend”. I want to try to change the conversation I’m having with myself though. Even if I am a shitty friend, I shouldn’t be telling myself that. It’s bad for my sense of self worth. I don’t think I’m a shitty friend. I think I could be a much better friend than I am. I have changes I think I need to make. I have work I need to do. I can be better. I will be better. Nora.