mastodon
4.6.5
Sobriety Date 12/22/09
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
If you can ignore a check engine light you can ignore a heart under the floorboard
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Not feeling good about this jaywalking case. My lawyer just rolled a saving throw and then threw up.
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
My conflict resolution skills lack nuance but everyone in the mailroom will tell you I’m the best jouster
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
My mom says we can use the conversation pit for fight club if your mom says it’s ok
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
I don’t “fold like laundry.” I “lie on the floor and let the cats walk over me” like laundry.
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
None of the losers in HR had even heard of kendo before I brought a katana to my employee review
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
My friends have accused me of ingratitude, but as a veterinarian dentist it is my duty to look every horse in the mouth, regardless of how much it cost
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sometimes I worry that I’m not anxious enough
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Just found out Shaq got a Masters degree, which is nice to hear because I worry about what happens to ex-college athletes
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Orlando was invented by flim flam men who were desperate to offload excess razzmatazz
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Air guitar? I can’t even play the jazz hands!
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Peeping through a key hole into a looking glass because I love voyeurism but hate other people
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
What doesn’t kill you fucks up your nervous system so it feels like you can’t have a normal life
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
I try not to kink shame, but tbh I can’t watch most people roll up a garden hose
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Neurodivergent enough to be off putting but not not enough to be profitable
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Her: Would you love me if I were a worm?
Me: Do you mean, would I love you if you were Leto Atreides, God Emperor of Dune?
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Who called it a holster and not a glockstrap?
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Alternate timeline where Batman is British:
Alfred (speaking with a California surfer accent): Hey! Brucie goosie! Check out the monitor! Looks like the Jester, Innit, and The Ghost Of The Industrial Revolution are knocking over trash cans!
Batman: They’re called dustbins over here, Alfred.
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
My dad has been dead almost fifteen years but I take comfort in knowing that he’s as proud of me as he’s ever been
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
I’m so diy that my pet rock is a kidney stone
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
If I were the kind of person who learned from experience I would be delighted to find out that I am happier when I sleep
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Shout into the void. Scream in your car. Make a scene on the bus.
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
When I say, “I don’t care if you have the last nacho,” what I mean is, “I hope you learn sorrow so deep you understand why grieving elephants drown themselves.”
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 https://justmytoots.com/@xinicit@beige.party
“You have to kiss so many frogs before you find a prince” bro I’m not trying to improve my station I just like the texture
