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• Post #4508841

  I get really nervous for job interviews. Decided to take a different approach & got hammered the night before. I turned up confident, charming & I answered their questions with ease. But I never heard back. Called up & they said I was the worst candidate they've ever interviewed

• Post #4506939

  My cat doesn't actually sign cards to family and friends. I sign it for him because he can't actually write at all.

• Post #4504389

  Our company recently blocked screenshots in outlook. Obviously there is a simple workaround. However, that senior and area management have started printing documents and taking pictures of them to share, tells me a lot about the calibre of person that has achieved those roles.

• Post #4502690

  On my academic website I have a link to "See my OnlyFans page" which goes to photos of ceiling fans and pedestal fans around my home. I am a tenured professor.

• Post #4501896

  At the tail end of my marriage I used to pull over at the top of my road and exit Google maps because I didn't want to hear it say "welcome home"

• Post #4499868

  First thing in the morning, Mum texted me her Wordle score every day for years. I asked her to stop because I found it annoying. She died suddenly four months ago, the very day after I asked her to stop. I know it's irrational, but I'm afraid that's what killed her.

• Post #4497727

  I hapily do all the laundry for our house. Not because I really want to but because then I can run the shortest cycle on minimum temperature. Nobody has ever noticed. Must have saved me literally pounds so far.

• Post #4493340

  I stole a game from Tandy in the early 90s. There was a display pc running the current Star Wars game. Out of interest I put a floppy 3.5 in the drive, selected the game folder and copied all its contents. It was so slow. Felt like I was in a spy movie. It worked.

• Post #4482567

  A ex once told me she made her egg mayo with salad cream instead of mayo. I told her that's not egg mayo then. She maintained that it was still egg mayo, even if it didn't include mayo. We argued for hours. It still annoys me 15 years later.

• Post #4482105

  I worked in IT. I once told my boss it would take a month to implement a feature that could be activated by simply setting a variable value in a config file.

• Post #4470471

  On my first shift working in A&E I had to remove an object a man "had sat on" from his arse. He didn't take it home with him. I washed it and took it home. I had my husband create a frame to display it on the wall in our downstairs toilet. It's been a talking point for 27 years.

• Post #4469999

  One area of our office now has pod desks that you can book for more privacy when working. They are superb - I sit in them every day to avoid interacting with colleagues. One Friday I fell asleep at my desk for 3 hours and no-one even noticed.

• Post #4463791

  Never watched 'From Here To Eternity' Only know they shag on the beach in the surf. So after many years we tried, it was awful sand and salt got everywhere including foreskin. Learn from our mistake.

• Post #4458038

  My husband and I play a game we call light switches. Once we're both in bed for the night whomever turns out their bedside lamp first wins at light switches but we're never allowed to acknowledge that we're playing light switches.

• Post #4451218

  I'm an incredibly ordinary looking British bloke but every time I go to America I get way more female attention than I do in the UK. Currently shagged in 3 US states. Aiming to get all 50 before I die.

• Post #4443597

  All this sweaty obsessing over vibe-coding is great. I don't use the stuff, never have. But now I get to put in about 40% the effort I used to. Everyone else's slowed right down, waffling on about agents or sandboxing or whatever. I'm more productive by comparison.

• Post #4440491

  Had a really gritty affair with a woman I met through work. We were both utterly miserable in our marriages, but didn't like each other either. It ended when she literally said "let's just not bother anymore" after we both undressed in a holiday inn

• Post #4426549

  Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess

• Post #4425783

  Man in my 50s here. Have started telling the important people in my life that I love them every time I see them. The embaressment, especially with the men, might shave a year or two off my life but I'm not stopping now. If I drop dead tomorrow they'll at least know how I felt.

• Post #4397547

  I love my girlfriend. But I really wish she wouldn't say "I'm gonna gobble-wobble your knobby-bobble" when she gets horny. It's kinda off putting.

• Post #4397220

  I've always thought I looked younger than my years, however porn site selfie age verification has taught me I look exactly my age… 53.

• Post #4397113

  Dentist. Tried to solve premature ejaculation by mixing gum numbing gel with personal lubricant.

• Post #4389291

  Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess

• Post #4385730

  If my teenage son doesn't get up early enough for school I play the Birdie Song loudly in his room. Every time I listen back to Alexa chat history to hear him shouting "Stop!" with the song playing in the background. Makes me laugh every single time.

• Post #4385173

  My rich uncle died recently. Hospital thought I was devastated, spent hours with the body. Now I *was* upset, but really I was in there using his dead finger to unlock his phone & get all his passwords. Regret nothing, has made probate nightmare so easy.

• Post #4384361

  As an IT tech, anything plugged into a wall somehow becomes our fault if it stops working after we've been nearby. Once, I stared at a microwave, declared it fixed, and left despite never finding the problem they described.

• Post #4382478

  Training as a GP in the late 70s. I quickly read the notes for a patient as I walked in and said, "now it says here that you've lost a lot of weight, lately." And he had, because his left leg had been amputated after a car crash. He was remarkably good humoured about my gaff.

• Post #4380058

  Try putting a piece of bog roll in the loo before you pee. You have to cut it in half with your yellow lightsaber. If you can Jedi you are.

• Post #4378955

  During COVID one of our work colleagues died of a heart attack and we were all invited to join the funeral on Zoom. About halfway through the service I noticed my screen name was Quizlamic Extremist which was set during a recent quiz night with friends.

• Post #4376104

  It was only after my parents died that I knew, unequivocally, that there is no afterlife. It took those moments of their dying to realise that it's just a comforting story that we tell to children, and here I was at 40-something only just working it out.