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  EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE WHEN YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID.

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  BE TOO WEIRD FOR A.I. TO REPLACE.

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  DID YOU SHITLORDS THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HELVETICA AND ARIAL?! WHO DID THIS? I WANT NAMES!!

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  WILL TRANSCENDENT SUPERINTELLIGENCE EMERGE FROM AN INFINITELY RECURSIVE DIET OF REDDIT THREADS? THE SHITTIEST PEOPLE IN EXISTENCE WANT TO FIND OUT.

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  I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY SAID KASH PATEL WAS "POUNDING WILD TURKEY ALL NIGHT." NOW, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

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  GULAGS ARE BAD, FINE, WHATEVER, BUT WE SHOULD HAVE THEM AND I SHOULD BE IN CHARGE OF DECIDING WHO GETS SENT TO THEM.

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  SAW THE ELIZABETH HOLMES TRAILER AND, UH, YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO MULCH ANYONE WHO SAYS "I'M NOT THAT PERSON" TO JUSTIFY THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR.

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  SPARE ME THE FLOWERY NICETIES, STATE FAIR, AND SHOW ME THE FATTEST PIG YOU'VE GOT.

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  REGARDLESS OF YOUR SEX, NORMALIZE TELLING J.D. VANCE TO SUCK YOUR DICK.

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  OMICRONIAN SPA DAY IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN. I AM ONE WITH THE MUD.

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  REMEMBER WHEN THE BLOWJOB GIRL ROBBED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE? BECAUSE EVERY TIME I DO IT MAKES ME SMILE.

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  I GOT INTO THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS EARLY AND WOW AM I DRUNK.

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  I LOVE THE BEACH. I LOVE MY FAKE SHARK FIN EVEN MORE. THAT MOMENT BETWEEN WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY WON'T BE EATEN BY A SHARK AND WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY'LL BE EATEN BY ME DOES WHAT BACON BITS NEVER COULD.

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  NOBODY RUNS AWAY OR EVEN GAWPS AT ME IN PORTLAND. THEY JUST ASK ME THINGS LIKE "HEY MAN ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO RIDE YOUR BIKE ON THE LEFT OR RIGHT SIDE?" AND I SAY "HUH? I JUST GOT HERE" AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE "THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK I'M SAYING!" IT'S DISORIENTING.

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  RE: https://mastodon.social/@FuturamaGifs/116999023117010626 I'LL CONQUER SOMETHING TOMORROW AFTER I FUEL UP ON ONE OF YOUR DISGUSTING EGG WHITE OMELETS.

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  BREATHING HEAVILY AND GIVING THE KUBRICK STARE TO THE T.S.A. AGENT WORKS AT LEAST AS WELL AS PRECHECK, IN MY EXPERIENCE.

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  GODZILLA TRUDGING BACK TO THE OCEAN IN HER "PEOPLE'S CHAMPION" ROBE AFTER FAILING TO MAKE WEIGHT FOR THE FIGHT WITH GAMERA.

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  WHAT IS AURA FARMING? EXPLAIN IT TO ME LIKE I'M AFRAID OF THE YOUNG.

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  AH, BUT WHAT IF [*GARBLED MUTTERING INTO MY CAPE*]?

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  I WANT TO EAT MEAT-FLAVORED ICE CREAM IN A KIDDIE POOL AND SCALE QUADRATICALLY FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER.

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  ALL-PURPOSE-POLITICIAN-DEATH-REACT.GIF

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  FIRST LINDSEY GRAHAM IS DEAD. THEN MITCH MCCONNELL IS ALIVE. THIS DAY HAS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER.

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  ALL OF MY VICTIMS DIE FROM A SUDDEN AND UNEXPECTED ILLNESS.

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  RULE OF THREES STARTS NOW. REST IN PISS, LINDSEY.

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  DRY-AGING MITCH MCCONNELL CAN'T BE WORTH THE EFFORT.

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  RE: https://beige.party/@LRRRonEarth/116885912831559787 I ADDRESS THE PIT PEOPLE LIKE A HARDCORE VOCALIST, BUT I EMPHASIZE THE WORDS DIFFERENTLY: "I SEE A LOT OF REAAAAL MOTHERFUCKERS IN THIS PIT."

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  MAN CAVE BUT IT'S JUST A PIT I PUSH YOU INTO.

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  I TALKED TO MITCH MCCONNELL FOR 20 MINUTES. I DESCRIBED A WEIRD RASH TO HIM. HE COULDN'T HANG UP BECAUSE HE'S A TURNIP NOW.

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  STOP TEASING ME AND SHOW ME MITCH MCCONNELL'S DEAD, SHITTY BODY. I DEMAND CLOSURE. [UNCONFIRMED RUMORS ARE THAT HE BOUGHT THE FARM AND IS CURRENTLY EATING SOFT SHIT IN HELL]

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  I WENT TO THE GREAT AMERICAN STATE FAIR TO GET A SNACK AND EVERYONE WAS EITHER JACKING OFF, WRITING A THINK PIECE FOR A LEGACY MEDIA ORGANIZATION, OR GETTING PAID TO BE THERE.