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• Post #4392662

  The neurotypical friend who said they weren't angry but in reality they were very very angry, the position you're expected to keep applying to but keep getting rejected for and it hurts a whole lot each and every time, the bright overhead light with visible PWM and an awful incessant buzz that nobody else notices, and other autistic tales of terror, by R.U. Madatme

• Post #4392661

  This toot does not constitute legal advice

• Post #4392660

  Am I a proponent of The Death of the Author theory as a cop out because I don't know why I say most of the things I say? I'll let you be the judge of that

• Post #4392659

  The Sacred and the Propane

• Post #4392658

  Tribalism ✋ Tribadism 👈

• Post #4392657

  If you want to marry me you need to know that I carry a terrible generational curse (I stand to inherit multiple timeshares)

• Post #3922800

  🎶Goodbye Nissan Altima🎶 🎶Though I've never driven you that well🎶 🎶I knew your CVTs would infamously fail🎶

• Post #3673653

  Ask your accountant if being paid in woims is right for you

• Post #2539671

  Neither credible nor attractive -My Tinder bio

• Post #2240910

  Roses are red Fire is rad Bluesky moderation Will always be bad

• Post #2020707

  Fesshole would be a lot more fun if we could suggest and vote on penance in the replies

• Post #1708017

  TFW you're trying to find a mutual's toot but can't spell their name for the life of you so you just wait until they show up in your feed and click on their pfp instead

• Post #1707950

  Me before social media, in the Usenet IRC ICQ Geocities Tripod Angelfire et al days: "They're annoying but idk if they're engaging in bad faith or just a bit oblivious to social cues" Me now: BLOCK BLOCK BLOCKITY BLOCKITY BLOCKBLOCK BLOCK BLOCKITY BLOCK

• Post #1705882

  Interview with the Vampire Workplace Personality Inventory for the Vampire Second Round Interview with the Vampire Background Check for the Vampire Third Round Interview with the Vampire Quick Zoom Chat (not an Interview) to ask a Couple Quick Questions for the Vampire Fourth Round Interview with the Vampire Rejection Email that reads "Thank you for your Interest but we Decided to go with Another Vampire"

• Post #1534630

  who the fuck is scraeming "IMMANENTIZE THE ESCHATON" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never immanentize the eschaton

• Post #979079

  I sometimes come across weird That is because I am weird

• Post #650637

  Ask your doctor if drinking piss is right for you!

• Post #559471

  The lineage of Jorts dot Horse traces all the way back to 1569 in Spain when Alejandro Jortshorse put jorts on a horse And was burned alive for witchcraft #FakeNews

• Post #540775

  There's only one way to end itty bitty burger bite gate And that's for the White Castle CEO to silently swallow one whole while maintaining eye contact the entire time

• Post #320134

  I might be getting some traffic on my profile from a reply I made on the serious side of fedi that many people seem to like and agree with I want to make it clear you will NOT get any more cogent thoughts here

• Post #320132

  ICE bucket challenge 2.0 We scoop them up with excavators then drop them off a cliff

• Post #292370

  Roses are red Flowers are nice DHS shouldn't exist Shrek predates ICE

• Post #280027

  :emergency:​ ATTENTION REQUIRED :emergency:​ Our AI algorithm has detected that your posting has not been unhinged enough Please toot about the little gnomes hiding in the walls, the shadow people, toilet demons, the voices in the woods, or being able to telepathically communicate with your cat, within the next twenty four (24) hours, otherwise you may lose access to this account