Post #3497117

2026-06-30 19:37 UTC

I bring this ⬆️ up not because I need anything. I'm well supported. And yes there are a whole lot more important things going on in the world. But forget about me. Can I just say: hey, cis straight people, there is probably, somewhere in your world, a person you think you know, someone whose boundaries and edges have felt well-defined to you for years, maybe even many decades, who is questioning whether those edges are actually their own. Maybe they've felt this their whole lives but have never felt safe to explore it. Maybe they mused about it when they were a kid and adults shut that right down. Maybe this person is a middle-aged someone who has seemed The Same to you for years. I'm interested in the world becoming a safer place, in a variety of ways, and this happens to be one of them. If you wanted to help this effort: sit for an hour and just think up how you would respond to a friend telling you this. Actual words. Not silence. Scripts are totally okay. #nonbinary #gender

Replies (3)

@internet_ryan@lgbtqia.space 2026-06-30 20:57

@hollie@social.coop I saw a *ton* of this sort of silence in my early coming out/transition from friends that I'd established before those things. It took me a while to dig through my feelings about that, especially because I had a sense that I might have reacted similarly a few years prior. I've taken to calling this a form of "implicit transphobia." Using the word "transphobia" seems sort of harsh for such a muted reaction, but as you mentioned, this reaction comes from a place of *fear*. I think there are tons of folks out there who expect transphobia to look like hate and to be obvious, but "phobia" is right there in the word. The majority of the time, I think this fear comes from the fact that you (the person coming to grips with interesting gender feelings) are bucking a lot of the scripts they've come to rely on for their interactions with you. Suddenly, some or all of those scripts may not apply, and that feels *scary* to folks who've never considered the possibility of working/existing outside of them. All of that is to say, I appreciate your call to action. It's something I've thought about a ton since coming out, and it's part of why I make such an intentional effort to be visibly queer and talk about my story. The more I can normalize it, and support others in a similar situation, the less scary it becomes for everyone — the "phobia" starts to fade into the sort of curiosity you described.

Open ##3498309
@chicating@mastodon.world 2026-06-30 19:52

@hollie@social.coop I could have used this this month--2 people I know shared that with me personally. In different ways, but still.

Open ##3701558
@NWengrov@tooot.im 2026-06-30 21:39

@hollie@social.coop Until several years ago, I was (or rather, considered myself) Cis straight male. Took me a while to figure out I'm not 100% Cis-het but rather somewhere on the spectrum. That came after I realized gender IS a spectrum. My good LGBTQA+ friends helped me realize this. I now identify as (cis) Asex, and value the friendship of my LGBTQA+ allies. So, if a friend told me they are questioning, I now have my own story to share with them. I'd tell them I'm somewhere on the same boat with them.

Open ##3701569