Post #1146712

2026-04-14 07:03 UTC

I'm not sure who knows or not and quite frankly don't care but way back in 2007 I came out to my family as trans. My immediate family IE my wife and children all took it very well and we stayed together as we were still in love each other and still are very much so today. Unfortunately my mother and her husband and my Dad and his Wife ( Yeah they got divorced when I was about 5 or 6 ) did not and cast me out from the family. Things like finding out that my mothers side Nan and grandad passing and the whole family even cousins were told never to tell me. I looked up to my Dad and tried a few times to reach out but including mentioning that I don't want anything from him other than love and friendship and that I didn't want his money I'd rather be poor and happy. But alas he wanted nothing to do with us. I mean in 2013 when our eldest Cameron passed away just 4 days from his 16th I called my dad absolutely distressed to let him know that his Grandson had passed away to get the instant reply "What do you want me to do about it?". I hung up straight away and couldn't believe what I'd just heard. But to be fair my mother was as bad as both parents didn't even want to know their grandchildren and days before Camerons funeral I got a card addressed to Cameron and on opening it I discovered it was from my Mum who'd never spoken to him sending him his own in memorial card. I was horrified and so never tried to contact any of them again I soon found out family isn't always blood. Anyway enough of my drama but this morning my Wife Julie got a messenger call from my brother who also thinks like my parents telling her to let me know that my Dad has passed away last night. You want to know what's bad ? I really do not know how to feel about this ? Yes when i was a child I looked up to him and he took us everywhere but later in life as I became myself and had a beautiful family he did not want to know me or them. I feel sad and heartless at the same time. What is wrong with me ? Anyway I need to go and bury my head in some code or something as I'm off work this week and maybe take a walk ? Sorry for going on.......

Replies (9)

@afb@mastodonapp.uk 2026-04-14 12:15

@justine I'm sorry for your loss.

Open ##1146711
@jaap@mastodon.bsd.cafe 2026-04-14 07:16

@justine Dear Justine, you’re very brave for sharing this. I can’t offer much, but we all grief in our own way and there isn’t anything wrong with you for that. Stay strong, you’ll find your way through.

Open ##1795831
@cos@aus.social 2026-04-14 07:45

@justine Woah. I’m really sorry, that’s a shit series of situations to have to go through. I dunno what else to say - it’s so much for you to have to process right now - but take the time. I’m glad you have love next to you.

Open ##1795833
@tfb@functional.cafe 2026-04-14 13:57

@justine :akko_hug: it's a shame for them they chose to miss out on you and your family. Isn't it amazing how someone dying can bring up unexpected feelings (who knew you need to get over being over someone !). Thanks for sharing

Open ##1795836
@teapot_ben@glammr.us 2026-04-14 14:03

@justine 🫂 I'm so sorry Justine. Families can be complicated at the best of times, but I cannot understand how any parent could be so heartless to do this to you, just for being your true (and wonderful) self. Nothing wrong with you at all, and totally understandable that you have conflicting and mixed feelings right now. Glad you have your own family who love you for who you are.

Open ##1795837
@release_candidate@mastodon.bsd.cafe 2026-04-14 14:13

@justine 🫂

Open ##1795838
@hi@romanzolotarev.com 2026-04-14 19:50

thank you for sharing your story. heartbreaking. sending hugs. you're not alone

Open ##1795840
@ParadeGrotesque@mastodon.sdf.org 2026-04-14 20:02

@justine First of all, don't be sorry. You have just learned the passing away of your Dad, a person who was important in your life. As someone who has had his own history of abuse and rejection, I think it's normal to be ambivalent about someone who passed away. On one hand, there was love. On the other, of course, there was hurt. And the more they hurt you, the harder it is to remember their good side, and all the things they gave you. Allow yourself to grieve.

Open ##1795841
@dendrobatus_azureus@polymaths.social 2026-04-15 00:05

Sending you 🦋💙❤️💋#SwitiLobi 💙💕🌹💐💙🦋 @justine

Open ##1795842