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#joanmastodon

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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Jul 19, 2026
Our Lady Joan Mastodon was in pontificating mode, as she often was when dinner had been disappointing. The purpose of the Save Draft button, she expounded, walking up and down in front of the open window, is to make it easier for you to delete your ill-considered posts before you send them. The Draft feature is _not_ meant to let you edit your posts and then send them. Write this down, Sir Archibald, you should take notes like the others. We write a toot (she continued), and as we write it we have a feeling it's a little off. So we save it as a draft. _Then we forget it_! That's the whole point of the Draft feature. We never return to old drafts. We toot live. Oh for heaven's sake, Archie, you are still not taking any notes. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. It took our Lady Joan until after dessert to regain her cheerful spirits. She did not like it if her knights ignored her lectures. And she was right on the Draft feature, of course. #JoanMastodon #DeletingIsStrength
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · May 04, 2026
Young Reginald had not tooted much since he had joined the fellowship. Inevitably, some of the lads from the loader side of the table turned him into unflattering memes. For a while, "Why don't you go Reginald!" was how they told each other to shut up. Our Lady Joan Mastodon did not like it. "Our Reggie is with us," she said one evening as they sat by the fire, "I enjoy his company. Don't you?" #JoanMastodon #silence #comradeship
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Apr 24, 2026
Consistency is a sin. Joan Mastodon, The Suppressed Sayings. Appleseed Press, Wealdstone (2026). Aphorism 77. #JoanMastodon #sins
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Apr 16, 2026
Replying to @HadasWeiss@mastodon.social
@HadasWeiss@mastodon.social Our Lady Joan told us to share chalantly. #JoanMastodon
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Apr 12, 2026
Our Lady Joan Mastodon spoke to us with feeling. Follow my friend Samuel Pepys, she said to us as we gathered by the fire, he is the first and the finest of all tooters. There is no tooter like him. Even his stylistic faults are carriers of truth. If we could all toot as my Samuel toots, just for one day (she wiped a tear off her eye as she said this), the Great Algo would be gone forever. We miss our Lady Joan. She loved as she hated, with wisdom and passion, and she loved so much more than she hated. #JoanMastodon #Pepys #TheFirstAndFinestTooter @samuelpepys@mastodon.social
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Feb 28, 2026
Our Lady #JoanMastodon had fought entire battles defending hashtags against the Great Algo, and her alliance with John Mastodon had been strained ever since, in the Great Debate, she had referred to his tags as #slushtags. So #hashtags clearly mattered to her. But she used them in a highly idiosyncratic manner. The link between tag and toot was oblique at best, often impossible to discern. In a toot giving her favourite mutton stew recipe, for instance, her hashtags did not include #mutton or #stew or #cooking. Instead, she simply added a single tag, #ThankyouTeam, nothing else. We knew her style and we loved her, and we could spend days speculating about a particularly mystifying tag. Sir Alfred once pressed her to explain why she used hashtags in this way. Her reply was given by-the-by. I'm a free girl aren't I, Alfie. My hashtags are free, too. Let each hashtag find its way. My tags don't need me to direct them. Why don't you have some more of my mutton stew, Alfie. #NoTargets
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Feb 21, 2026
Young Jeremy was new to Lady Joan Mastodon's circle. His writing was extensive and varied, often quite clumsy, and the other knights had made gentle fun of some of his toots. He was hurt. This evening we sat together at our Lady Joan's table, enjoying her mutton stew. She had cooked it herself, saying "you will only ruin it" to anyone who offered help. Young Jeremy addressed our Lady Joan across the table: my Lady Joan, do advise me, what is the biggest mistake one can make when posting? I want to post well. Lady Joan's answer was quick. Trying to be cool. Don't try to be cool, my friend. Everything else follows from that. The knights had many questions, asking for clarifications. But our Lady merely repeated that everything else would follow naturally. When young Jeremy left the table later that evening, our Lady called him back and gave him a Tiffin Box with her stew. For your lunch tomorrow, Jeremy. Store it in the fridge and re-heat it gently. #JoanMastodon
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the_roamer
the roamer @the_roamer@mastodonapp.uk · Feb 01, 2026
Sir Geoffrey had placed his map on the table in the Great Hall. He explained it to our Lady Joan Mastodon. Every tag had its place. There were arrows between them, colour coded. Shaded areas identified groups of related concepts. Sir Geoffrey had even added little drawings to some of them: a camel for tags relating to periods of scarce resources, a harp for festive events, a skull for search engines. He beamed with pride. What wonderful work, my friend, our Lady Joan said to him. And I love those droll little drawings, they are so evocative! But I fear you overthink your hashtags, my dear Geoffrey. She turned around to address her knights. Hashtags, my friends, are meant to surprise and disorient. They break up what appears frozen, they connect what is isolated. Use them without plan. Hashtags are life. Having spoken thus, our Lady asked Sir Geoffrey to have dinner with her and share with her guests his tales from the Before Days. #hashtags #JoanMastodon
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