Twas the night before Christmas


and all through the house


everyone felt shitty


even the mouse.


With mom at the whore house


and dad smokin grass


I settled down


for a nice piece of ass


when out on the lawn


arose such a clatter


I sprang from my piece


to see what was the matter


and out on the lawn


I seen some big dick


and I knew in a moment


it must be St.Nick


he flew down my chimney like a bat out of hell


and i knew in a moment


the fucker had fell


He filled all our stocking with pretzels and beer


and a big rubber dick


for my brother, the queer.


then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart


the son of a bitch blew my chimney apart


cussing and cursing as he rode out of sight.


pissing on all


having one hell of a night.


I made a few lyric changes from when I learned this one in grade school, circa 1994ish. The great ones will last the generations. Merry Christmas!