@MsMerope thank you that's a great article.

I like the idea of framing rules & feeling rules when thinking about emotional labour. Both come from the work of American sociologist Arlie Hochschild.

Framing rules set out what is permissible to say. Feeling rules set out what is permissible to feel. Framing rules + feeling rules = ideology.

Sociologists have argued that unwritten rules about domestic work sit within an ideology of intensive mothering. A good mother is this. A bad mother is that.

When we feel upset about domestic labour we're breaking the feeling rules. When we name the division of labour as unjust we're breaking the framing rules. We're nagging. We're upsetting family harmony. It's our fault.

This is not an individual problem.