I really hate living with my mother. who isn't actually my mother and has no biological connections to me, yet I'm stuck with her every day that isn't Saturday, and even then sometimes too. anyways, she has this roommate who lives in our apartment, but she's really bad. she switches so quickly between having fun and screaming and yelling. and because of that the dog hates her and always barks. and recently the dog has started barking at me too. my grandmother got diagnosed with lung and brain cancer in October/november and because of that my younger cousin (again, I have no biological relations to any of them) has moved in with us, even though I told my mother I didn't really want her to stay. but she doesn't really have anywhere else to go, her mom dropped her off at the grand parents when she was a baby and her dad has been absent. both of them have been really unstable. my mother is working to get custody of her, but her mom is fighting it. a few years ago, I was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disorder called inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) basically meaning my immune system is attacking itself primarily in my colon. two years ago, i had to change medications because the one I was on wasn't working. I started a new medication, but in January, I had a flare (which I believe to be linked to a lot of the social issues I had at that time as stress is a factor) and I ended up in the hospital for 10 days. I got diagnosed with another chronic condition called Primary sclerosing cholangitis (PSC) and that basically means that the bile ducts in my liver are inflamed and scarring. I now am on another medication that I have to take 3 times every day, but a lot of times I skip. because I was in the hospital, I got behind on work, and I've always had a problem with doing the work, partially because I don't understand why I need to do it and because I don't understand how to do it. I'm behind again in school, and I'm failing most of my classes. and I just cant seem to force myself to do the work. and my mother keeps pushing and insisting I do work without understanding why I don't do it and saying that if I don't get good grades any and all chances I have of going to college are basically screwed. and to be quite honest, I'm not even sure I want to go to college. I can barely handle school as it is, the thought of going to college terrifies me. but I feel like I have to because that's what I'm supposed to do. and I cant just leave because I don't have any money and I don't have any way of paying for the medication myself and I don't have insurance, and honestly, I don't have the first clue what to do. I'm just really stressed and really tired of being in an environment that makes every day a battle. I struggle every day to get up and go to school and try to do things. and im just really tired of living like this. and I genuinely cant do anything about it because I cant get a card and I don't have any independence at all.
