It's a rare downer post from me. I hardly ever complain privately, let alone on social media.
I am struggling with missing out on events this week. Between NDG and Furality, many people from two of the social groups I participate in the most are hanging out and having fun together, and I'm not. Some amount of this is self-imposed, like being unwilling to submit to age verification for Furality. Some is just practical; time and travel are expensive to afford. I have a job. I have a family. I don't get to get away for extended periods unless I really fight for it, which just isn't something I do. NDG is hard, but I've kinda consigned myself to never actually being able to attend. It's too far, too costly, and I don't socialize as well in person as I do online, so it feels hard to justify. Furality hurts because I was definitely thinking about participating until the age verification stuff happened. I feel left out by my morals, watching others who decided they would still go anyways.
But, I can participate somewhat still even while not present, right? Furality has the stream. NDG folks are still present in their group chat. But that's not the part I feel I'm missing out on, and in fact I specifically have to avoid those. They remind me that what I'm actually missing out on is the togetherness, the friends, the experiences, the bonding. People will always remember the amazing times they had and the amazing people they spent time with. And I will be forgotten. Weeks or months later, they will still be closer for it, and I will remain a side character at best, unable to connect with people by missing out during the most significant times for it. The feeling of not being important enough to be cared about by any of the people I care about is a constant struggle, and it strikes hard during times like this.
I genuinely am glad for everyone who gets to have the time of their lives. I'm too caring not to be. And so I usually say nothing, to not dampen anyone else's fun. But it's still just hard right now.
