Janel Comeau

daily Chinese news headline: Scientists grow the world’s first functional human spine replacement from a single drop of blood

daily American news headline: White House declares that sunburns are caused by bees

I have taken
the Tylenol
that was in
the medicine cabinet

and which
they think probably
is the reason
you like trains

forgive me
but that’s bullshit
you got autism
from your dad

I have tariffed
the penguins
that are on
Heard Island

and which
you were probably
assuming
did not export goods

forgive me
they were taking advantage of us
so cunning
and so cold

I actually don’t feel as fine as R.E.M. led me to believe I would

I have eaten
the brain
that was in
RFK Jr

and which
he was probably
saving
to run for President

forgive me
it was delicious
and I am just
a worm

dear diary, it has been 437 days since my husband disappeared under mysterious circumstances. alas, I am unable to inform the police, for I am a mere woman.

currently trapped inside due to the 907th severe weather alert of the year, so I decided to draw a comic about it

"why do you support your tax dollars going to subsidized daycare if you don't have kids" because if other people can't afford to have kids the only staff at my nursing home when I'm old will be a pill organizer scotch-taped to a roomba

the 4 types of national anthems:

- Gosh, This Sure is an Attractive Piece of Land We've Got Here

- That One War in Particular was a Doozy

- We Only Sing Parts of This Song Now Because the Other Verses are Racist

- We Speak French and We Will Fucking Kill You