(Luka says #Wagner wants to invade #Poland)
https://www.euronews.com/2023/07/23/belarusian-president-claims-that-wagner-fighters-want-to-invade-poland
This has all the hallmarks of a classic Russian plan, including the part where it is assumed Wagner will decide to throw themselves into an even bigger meatgrinder in Poland for no discernible benefit whatsoever.
The remains of Wagner attack Poland. #Belarus says it's not us. #Russia says it's not us any more, and never was, Wagner is totally illegal in Russia *wink* *wink* (they actually say the words "wink wink"). Russia says therefore NATO can't step in, as they are independent, and any actions against against Belarus or Russia constitute an act of something or rather.
They pat themselves on the back for their brilliant, unstoppable plan.
Poland says to the rest of NATO "Belarus and Russia just attacked, is that an article five? Want to mess up these clowns?", and they all say yes.
Russia complains that the West aren't supporting the technical loophole they were sure they'd found and seek to educate NATO on how their agreement is supposed to work. There is much talk of colorful lines (mostly red), hints of WW3 again, talk of nukes, and wolves that have been cried for many times. Poland says "sorry, was distracted for a few hours there removing the rest of Wagner from existence, what was that again?"
#NATO then says "we're ready guys" and #Poland says "it's cool guys, we're already done", NATO says "what, already?". The UK calls in late but somehow already knows it's over, and the US says "thanks for the call, hope you enjoyed the info, you guys cool now? We're going back to bed" Germany says "are you okay Poland?" and Poland says "you know it".
And thus the story ends.
Wagner isn't stupid of course (well apart from that bit where their leader went for a cup of tea with that guy who tends to liquidate his friends and expected to, you know, actually walk away, that bit was quite stupid) but in general I can't see them doing something completely against their own interests.
And by classic Russian plan I mean a really awful one they haven't thought through fully but are convinced is brilliant even after it collapses in execution.
Anyway this story ends with what is left of Wagner saying "lol had you going Luka" and Luka says "oh, you're so funny guys" and they reply with "we aren't going anywhere, we have all we need right here".
Story ends.
