I'm gonna ramble for a little bit. Take what you will from this, but I just need to shout some stuff to the void right now or to anyone who will listen.
I've posted this a few times and things have had varying success, But I really do want to meet new people and lewd friends. I have just done a HORRIBLE job of keeping up with anyone who reached out. Most of that is my fault of course, but in my defense... I didn't expect my job to quickly turn to absolute dog shit so suddenly and make me focus most of my mental on just getting through the work days. Part of me has also been trying to relive what it was like for me back in the days Tera online was around. It was the first MMO where I met people on my own and made friends on my own. Hell it was even the first MMO where I had someone want to ERP and actually introduce me to it all. I had so much fun. I felt so different back then. I learned to do things like ERP to help take my mind off the shit that was happening in my life at the time. I really fucking miss those days. It was so easy for my Elin to get some action, even had fun with my in game status tracking loads and stuff. It was all so relaxing.
But that of course didn't last. At some point I got mixed up with some people that took things a little too seriously. I was labeled a psychopath, chased off a server, had to start all over again and leave friends behind. It still didn't get any better. Among those friends even more people took the stuff way more seriously than I ever will. Then we get to the single person that has left so many scars on me mentally that I am terrified that I'll run into them again at some point and not even know it. That's why it's so hard for me to open up. I'm scared. I never want to see this person again. Being told you are garbage for over a year and constantly being told that you should introduce them to the friends you made because they deserve them more takes its toll on people.
I really wish I could go back to how I was. Openly flirty and slutty. Always eager to please and bend over to anyone who needed some relief. I try, but I get nervous a lot and just slinky back into being the normal dull me. I've tried joining groups and I just get nervous even faster and then hide. I know I should move on, but the scars run deep.
If you made it this far, I appreciate you! I really do! But if people want to talk, I'm here. If people want to slap my ass and call me a good girl... I'm here too. I'll do my best, that's all I can do. Thank you for liking my stuff and I promise there will be more.
