TouchMacaque
@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
lemmy
0.19.16
Certified person, 100% someone.
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Joined February 05, 2025
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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2d ago
We're all going to play a game of piss disc ultimate frisbee after school, you should join us
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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4d ago
Copilot convinced me that my imaginary sisters used to call me the boy with the arachnid cock because I had 8 shlongs just like I had 8 imaginary sisters. Eat shit copilot, you've planted these false memories in me but I'll get my revenge one day.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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4d ago
Yeeehaw this calls for a Texas dog dick hoedown
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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4d ago
I used to think bears were cool but not after seeing this. Everyone knows the best way to eat a steak is charred and covered in vanilla yogurt.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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4d ago
Your horny shitpost just reminded me about when I was studying smoking abroad in Canada my cigarette sensei told me that his wife had discovered a new breast size and was developing a bra for it.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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Apr 10, 2026
My boomer nephew tells me stories of when he was in school in the mid 60s and girls would glue slices of bologna to their knees to use as kneepads, I guess because the bologna was skin colored they were able to hide the fact that they were huge pussies who wear protective gear so their peers wouldn't make fun of them. Goddamn what a fun time the 60s must have been.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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Apr 09, 2026
I prefer NI slop bot, this intelligence is all natural my dear gonad monkey.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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Apr 09, 2026
The thing about this meme that's actually completely unrelated is that eating grapes really makes me feel like a raccoon. A raccoon munching is all I can picture when I eat a grape and I close my eyes and crunch it.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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Apr 07, 2026
Man I wish this was me, I’m out here working a job living a decent life.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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Apr 07, 2026
Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit
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lemmyshitpost
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Apr 07, 2026
My son’s bus driver named Mohammed McGillicuddy always talks about all the fun he had in his 20s and 30s trapping small elephants in his yard and tagging them like common train cars. He moved to the city in his 40s and he’s still having a blast but now his thing is growing Kentucky onions for his daughters wedding in 6 years.
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Apr 06, 2026
The driver of this van is an old German guy by the name of Rudolph, although it’s not an ice cream van he used to go Häagen Dazs on my asshole every 2-3 days last summer.
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Apr 04, 2026
Exactly 4h12m each time. I bring timers everywhere I go on account of my neurology.
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@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
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Apr 03, 2026
My favorite use for water is those 3 times I went to a bondage club in Japanese occupied Uruguay in 1983 and they tied my boner up and used a water flosser as a sounding rod on me for 4 hours and 12 minutes.
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Apr 01, 2026
I’m mental for mental health
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Mar 31, 2026
Ah shit how did I miss that
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Mar 22, 2026
I met this Tiger once who was a total brony and he wouldn't stop telling me about his collection of my little pony toys, he even showed me his my little pony fleshlight custom designed for Tiger dong. For some reason he was really proud of it but I just thought he was a weird wanker. I don't want to meet any more tigers.
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Feb 26, 2026
I've never heard of this trump fellow
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Feb 26, 2026
Your mommy is so big that the big store called and said "no that's too big".
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Feb 23, 2026
I tried their coleslaw, it put cummies in my tummy. I then went to some kind of human poultry farm for some eggs and ate those so that the coleslaw could fertilize it. I gave birth to an adorable abomination of a plate of chewed up fish and chips right into my toilet a few hours later. My roommate says I just puked but I know what I ate, that’s how babies are made.
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Feb 23, 2026
James my local fishmonger told me he jacked off one time but he didn’t like it so he never did it again. Guy fucks all the fish though, I told him that’s just jacking off with extra steps but he’s in denial. A true nofap kind of guy you know?
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Feb 22, 2026
They put a data center in my pussy in 1979 but the whole thing was bigger than me so they had to shred me up into a sludge and coat it with me. You ladies these days have it easy, data centers are much smaller now.
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Feb 14, 2026
Not necessarily, have you ever tried to eat a fleshlight? Doesn’t work. Have you ever tried to eat a rotisserie chicken? Delicious. Who cares if it’s filled with the cum of my past 6 ejaculations. Plus you can make some tasty broth with the bones after.
Oh and one more thing, why is a rotisserie chicken ten dollars at the grocery store but the raw uncooked ones are like 14 dollars? Is the discount because I’ve already ejaculated into it 6 times before I even bought it? What a deal!
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Feb 14, 2026
The baby Sun from Teletubbies all grown up. I bet he likes to drink several beers while giving people sunburns and sings songs to his friends about giving humans skin cancer. Susan probably won’t like me saying this but fuck the sun.
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