D_C

Are you a preteen? If not then you’re not young enough for them to be interested in!!

Flip side: Woke up in agony. I couldn’t walk without aid. Why to GP, “it’s sciatica. It’ll be ok in a few weeks. Two months at most” 6 months later and I can’t walk still. Hospitals did the scans, X-rays, MRI, etc etc, but found nothing wrong. They did acupuncture, physio, hydrotherapy etc. All slightly helped. However two years later I still couldn’t walk without help and then just kept on offering me pain killers. Nope!! My mate, “Hey, try my new chiro guy. He did wonders for me” Me, “Lol, quacks.” My mate, “What have you got to lose?” Me, “Money…” … Mate, “Hey, told my chiro guy about you. He said pop in. The first month is free. If no improvement after then you go separate ways. What have you got to lose?” Long story short. On that first appointment he said he thought it was piriformis syndrome. Not back problems. Within a month I was sitting almost pain free for the first time in two years. Within 3 months I was walking unaided for the first time in years. In 6 months I was running again. Within a year I was 95% of what I was before the back issues. I’ll never be 100% because it wasn’t diagnosed in time and everything had ‘healed’ incorrectly. Now, with that said, the guy was more than a chiro. He did sports body mechanics, and other things that I can’t remember now. He worked with the local lower league football squad for about ten years. And whilst they were no Manchester United they wouldn’t just let any quack work on their team. Plus in the UK chiro’s have to be registered and follow guidelines. If they do anything illegal they are fucked. Flip side to my flip side: The mother in law went to a chiro who said he could cure her spine curvature disorder. Anyways I find out when she’s complaining of (extra) back pain, so I tell her to stop going as the guy is obviously a dodgy bastard. Within the year the guy was arrested for his illegal shenanigans.

Oh, that thing was, and still is, definitely pathetic... Wait, did you say pathetic, or??

Make dinner and shit … ..at the same time?

“Sorry, Ted, I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.”

If it was reflective both ways then it would obviously be called a double one way mirrors. {taps head}

Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew

He’s already said he’s not your buddy, chum!

And every bond you break, every step you take I’ll be watching you!!

The FIFA peace prize board are gutted, and are in an absolute shambles! How could the child rapist do this to them?

“We don’t have time to worry about the child rapes now, haven’t you seen that the dow has dropped? We need to tackle this before we can look at anything else!” “Oh, well the dow is over 50000 now. Can we look at the child rapes agai…” “WHY ARE YOU STILL GOING ON ABOUT THAT. THE DOW IS RISING AND WE NEED TO BE ON THE BALL TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING CONTINUES ON THIS TRAJECTORY!”

Incorrect. I love pun threads, they are mint…

Wait, they go to a bay and pick up leaves to put in food? Urgh, yuck! Why can’t they just use the aromatic herb from a laurel tree?

Knew what? …Also why is there a picture of a person opening their anus up for that penis?

In that case not only are people allowed to make fun of him but I am also declaring, yes DECLARING, that anyone and everyone can physically attack him in whatever way they see fit. It has been DECLARED, no takesiebacksies.

Same. Just to make sure it was true that the ShitGoblin was finally dead. Unless it was from being shot, then I’d watch it every day and twice on Sunday.

T errible R apist U sually M isses P ayments.

Ok, what did I miss?

Oh, this is very good. Thank you for this.

BEAN!!

Pointing out spelling mistakes isn’t descent!!

Santa, can I, 👉👈, see that specific naughty list, please?

I used to be called that when I worked out the adult toy store! Oh, wait, you said chumbox. I was way off…

A circus act. You may have heard of him from his stage name of The Amazing Gurgling Human Foundation. I’ve heard his act was a “once in a lifetime” show. And that it was “to die for”.

Doh, I can read…honest.

A hundred? I’ve not been to that place in a long long time but the last time I had fries from there it was a large serving -because I always got large- and even then I got, maybe, 50ish fries. Very highly salted, slightly rubbery, thin slices of ‘potato’ filled with fluffy pieces of fuck all. I wonder why I don’t go there anymore…

Can I stroke it? Will it dribble if I touch it?

Best I can do is some mushrooms (possibly magic) and a washing machine on spin.

There could be drugs, or nucular bombs, in that package though. And look at that beard, he’s obviously a terrorist. A terrorist with a nookular bomb! KILL EM ALL!!

HELL YEAH…it should’ve been fucking hydrochloric acid. Or petrol with someone smoking nearby.