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  I got a coupon to make a free photo book from a company called FreePrints and I just received it in the mail today and the quality was actually really nice for a little 6x6" paperback photo book!

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  Just a little piggy back ride.

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  I don't want to be a bad influence, but I just can't help it.

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  I appreciate uncircumcised penises because I also like to have a little fort to hide in.

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  When you scan your Costco card at the entrance, a handful of Xanax should drop out.

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  I got kicked out for heckling, but it's not my fault because that eulogy wasn't even funny.

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  Did anyone else see the new footage of Mitch McConnell?

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  We hung some sheer curtains in our front window and @KevBot@beige.party went outside to see how much you could see if you tried to look in, so here is a photo of him looking like a creep in the center window.

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  You say tomato I say tomato

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  Remembering the time when I was bored on a road trip and decided to kill time by trying to win a radio contest to win something I wasn't even sure about by being the 100th caller and I called in and was the 1st caller, then 2nd, then 3rd, and the radio host was seriously like "oh, girl, you're the only one calling in..." By about the tenth time, I was like "can't we just call it now and say I won?"and she said she wished but had to go through it so I kept calling...

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  I’m looking forward to GLP-1s gaining widespread use so my plump figure will be considered a rare thing of beauty like during the Renaissance and Sumo matches.

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  One of my favorite buildings in Long Beach, CA is this mid-century building with aqua, yellow, and white panels and I noticed on a recent trip that they stripped away all of the character by painting it a darker blue and beige and I’m so sad so I guess I just want everyone to get upset about it with me.

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  Oh, you practice medicine? Would it be possible to get someone who's already an expert in the field?

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  Does anyone else say "fu¢k you" under their breath whenever they encounter any reference to AI?

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  It's that Japanese show Old Enough! where they send toddlers on errands except it's me asking my husband to pick up a specific type of butter for a recipe and him having a complete meltdown in the dairy aisle.

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  Target, we need to have a serious talk about whatever this is.

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  All moved in to our new apartment!

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  Good news! The long awaited Iron Maiden polo shirt is FINALLY available to help you meet your business casual needs!

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  I grew up on Highlights Magazine and Hidden Pictures and then progressed to Erotic Photo Hunt so AI ain't got shit on me.

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  Invention idea to package high calorie snacks inside corn kernels so they can be "smuggled" out of our bodies without the calories being absorbed.

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  My husband and I were entering a door as two women were exiting and they were definitely sisters and probably twins and I was like "They looked like the same person!" And my husband said "They're probably saying the same thing about us."

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  Where is the composer of Clair de Lune's favorite place to have sex? Debussy

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  I want to compete on American Ninja Warrior but only in the part where they eat pizza in a sewer.

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  Appreciation post for Murphy, the bar dog at Sante Adarius in Oakland, CA!

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  Gonna get a Tramp stamp of two dogs lovingly sharing a strand of spaghetti.

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  Over fifteen years ago, I decided to have a Tetris and Dr. Mario party and invited my friends and some coworkers. One of my coworkers said he couldn’t go because it was his best friend’s birthday party, but said that his best friend lived in the same city so he might try to stop by after. I jokingly said “bring your friends!” and didn’t think about it again. At some point during my party, long after I had annihilated all of my friends in Tetris, my coworker walked in with some of his friends...

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  Celebrating 15 years of being married to @KevBot@beige.party!

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  I was reminded of the time when I took a class on InDesign and we had to create a trifold brochure and I HATED the assignment, so I rebelled by making a fake flyer for a nonexistent petting zoo using a bunch of photos of aggressive animals.

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  Found my nerdy field notebook from Geology school!

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  Them: You're taller than I pictured. Me: I know. Many people think I’m a foot long at most.