Post #923751

2026-04-03 01:28 UTC

John Moltz Enterprises is pleased to announce that it has acquired Apple for the low price of $20. As the new CEO I would like to assure customers that most operations will remain the same. With the big exception of government relations. And a bunch of App Store shit.

Replies (9)

@campmccl@mastodon.social 2026-04-03 01:41

@Moltz@mastodon.social Fantastic news. While you're at it, would you also consider stopping ads on Maps?

Open ##2323385
@frederick@tech.lgbt 2026-04-03 02:16

@Moltz@mastodon.social I for one welcome our new Moltz overlords. 🖖

Open ##2323387
@jackbrewster@hachyderm.io 2026-04-03 02:57

@Moltz@mastodon.social So we can expect actual colors on pro gear now?

Open ##2323389
@Barkeep@mastodon.social 2026-04-03 03:31

@Moltz@mastodon.social Will you be introducing T-shirts to go with Apple socks?

Open ##2323391
@MedeaVanamonde@beige.party 2026-04-03 04:19

@Moltz@mastodon.social @lisamelton@mastodon.social All fools day was yesterday

Open ##2323393
@famousringo@mstdn.ca 2026-04-03 05:05

@Moltz@mastodon.social the new CEO simply showed up, hit command-Z on Liquid Glass and gave his two weeks notice! 🤯

Open ##2323395
@JayEssGee@mastodon.social 2026-04-03 05:35

@Moltz@mastodon.social Well, congratudamnedlations!

Open ##2323396
@anzet@zeppelin.flights 2026-04-03 06:57

@Moltz@mastodon.social Can I get one of the presidential gold statues that were surely being prepared for a future occasion at the White House?

Open ##2323426
@mb21@hachyderm.io 2026-04-04 18:33

@Moltz@mastodon.social Can you also have all the Safari bugs fixed? It’s driving us web developers insane. Thanks and all the best in your new role!

Open ##2323431