Post #4448692

Why did she throw me away The CPTSD is back. This time cuz of her. Everyone who is friends with me knows who I mean by this point. Won't drag this into a fedi drama tho. But I hope that you're happy that the CPTSD I was struggling with because of being thrown away by someone I love without any attempts at communication or asserting boundaries before throwing me away and declaring me Bad, which last happened a bit over a year ago, is back. Just different face in the flashbacks now. I would've changed anything for you. I even started denying parts of my gender because of how much you said you hate men, and me still being part a boy. You were everything to me. I know I fucked up. I would've slowly fixed everything that was hurting you, too. I want to get this out onto the wider void not because I want to drag this into a public drama (if you know who this is about - keep it to yourself), but rather because I have nobody to vent to and was just hit by another attack in the middle of something else, so I'm writing about it to distract myself so that I can actually survive this one without self harm or drugs. And before anyone says I'm just writing this to get brownie points or to cancel her or to just get sympathy or whatever. Fuck off. This is how I deal with the CPTSD attacks. I write. I let my emotions out thru text. There's no ulterior motive. So please, for those involved, this is not an invitation to go argue with me in DMs or in public to defend her honor. I don't want an argument. I just dont want to bottle this inside, because then it gets worse and worse and worse, and I owe it to those that do care about me that I stay alive.