Post #3795227

Another counselling session finished and it makes me think as always. I always feel like that few moments after thoughts can come up a lot. The idea of having an island and what I would want only for them to point out I don't mention people. Isolated, peaceful, safe... I'm isolated and I know I need to get out there but just the fact I need to do it is always a problem. I mean my first excuse is always cost, weather more than anything else, even transportation is cost. I get them pushing me to get out but it never is that simple but the idea of just opening the door ever so slightly and looking out then closing it again and slowly doing that a little more still feels a bit like a too wide gap to cross. I am bleeding money more, counselling isn't cheap. I'm still scared and talking myself out of it. I will always keep making excuses it feels like. I am still just running away, keeping safe but passive, compliant, scared... I still don't know how to act or what to do.