Post #3504273

2026-07-01 00:13 UTC

@internet_ryan@lgbtqia.space This is really interesting, to hear your take on it! Mine has been a little different, based probably largely in my psychology and history. The despair for me comes in feeling like I'm useful only insofar as I make that person feel like they can relate to me. And when that stops, they don't know what to do with me. Their silence feels less like transphobia, more like I'm breaking some agreement we had? That's the vibe I get, but like I said, that's just my speculation on my experience. Transphobia is definitely out there.

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@internet_ryan@lgbtqia.space 2026-07-01 04:36

@hollie@social.coop > Their silence feels less like transphobia, more like I'm breaking some agreement we had? This exactly describes "scripts" thing I was getting at. You've been showing up in a particular way that aligns with folks' external perceptions about how you *should* show up. It's easy for them. Comfortable. When you remove that safety, folks get *really* uncomfortable. They can't lean on those comfortable default expectations anymore. That's scary if it's not something you've had to deal with before. Most folks will just clam up and won't know how to react. This is almost never malicious. In fact it's quite understandable when you realize what's going on, and I'll fully admit to having been the person who clammed up and didn't know how to react. *And*…the lack of malicious intent doesn't make it any less transphobic. I like to describe it with a different label — implicit transphobia — specifically to point out that it doesn't have to be explicit. I've seen several non-white folks describe this same dynamic, and you'll see it along class and disability boundaries too. The fundamental origin is the same: You don't fit someone's script, that makes them uncomfortable, and their response is to avoid interacting with you in a way that highlights the uncomfortable bits.

Open ##3504272