Post #3497118

2026-06-30 19:37 UTC

The response to "I'm realizing and coming to grips with some interesting gender feelings," from cis straight RL friends vs. queer/trans RL friends is, just, way wider of a gap than I was expecting. Queer friends respond with curiosity. They are encouraging of the journey, wherever it may lead, i.e. I don't get the feeling they're invested in the outcome. If I come back in six months and say, "Nope, I've been trying things on and I think I'm definitely cis," I don't expect it would change anything about our relationship. They just think it's cool that someone is journeying to figure a gender-something out. Cis friends are quiet. They say (almost literally) nothing. Suddenly, they don't know how to relate to me and it's pretty clear they'd prefer me to stop talking about it. The underlying feeling is that this not a safe topic. It's not just uninteresting (which would be okay - no one is obligated to find your life fascinating) but rather...threatening. #gender #nonbinary

Replies (1)

@hollie@social.coop 2026-06-30 19:37

I bring this ⬆️ up not because I need anything. I'm well supported. And yes there are a whole lot more important things going on in the world. But forget about me. Can I just say: hey, cis straight people, there is probably, somewhere in your world, a person you think you know, someone whose boundaries and edges have felt well-defined to you for years, maybe even many decades, who is questioning whether those edges are actually their own. Maybe they've felt this their whole lives but have never felt safe to explore it. Maybe they mused about it when they were a kid and adults shut that right down. Maybe this person is a middle-aged someone who has seemed The Same to you for years. I'm interested in the world becoming a safer place, in a variety of ways, and this happens to be one of them. If you wanted to help this effort: sit for an hour and just think up how you would respond to a friend telling you this. Actual words. Not silence. Scripts are totally okay. #nonbinary #gender

Open ##3497117