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@Hoss@shitpost.cloud

Post #3326786

2026-06-15 04:14 UTC

>rewatch Toy Story as an adult >realize Sid is like 10 years old >his hobbies are blowing up toys, doing weird kitbashes, and laughing like a goblin >so basically every unsupervised boy with access to fireworks and a garage >movie frames him like he’s Josef Mengele because he put doll legs on a fishing rod >“he tortures toys” >my brother in Christ he does not know they are sentient >to him this is literally arts and crafts for kids who found Dad’s toolbox >meanwhile his household looks like it has a CPS file >dead-eyed sister >dog is feral >mom is checked out >dad is passed out drunk in a recliner >this kid is clearly growing up in a house where he has to figure out dinner on his own most days of the week >but no, obviously the real problem is that Sid made an infant-spider homunculus out of a baby doll and an erector set >toys convene like a tiny plastic Nuremberg tribunal >“this child must be stopped” >what do they do >tell him gently that toys have feelings? >reveal themselves in a wholesome way? >maybe create a teachable moment? >nope >they rise from the mud like the cursed dead of Passchendaele >mutilated toy homunculi crawling toward him in the rain >Woody rotates his head 180 degrees and speaks in the voice of divine judgment >“we toys can see everything” >“so play nice” >Sid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >congratulations Woody >you have just introduced a child from an unstable home to lifelong paranoid schizophrenia >next scene Sid sees his sister’s doll and has a full-body trauma response >the toys celebrate like they didn’t just create the first human victim of the Pixar Cinematic Universe >Andy gets a cowboy >Buzz gets a family >Sid gets 14 years of therapy and a recurring nightmare where Combat Carl whispers his social security number from inside the walls >then Toy Story 3 reveals he becomes a garbage man >honestly king behavior >survived supernatural plastic terrorism and entered municipal employment >probably has the best union benefits of anyone in that movie >still refuses to enter antique stores >hears “you’ve got a friend in me” once at a wedding and has to go sit in his truck >10/10 children’s film >villain is a neglected creative kid >heroes are immortal consumer products who enforce behavior through psychological warfare >Pixar really said “what if your toys loved you, unless you’re poor and weird, in which case they will manifest as biblical demons”

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