Post #1827310

Eleanor Roosevelt's famous saying, "no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent", may be a nice desiderata to live by, but psychologically speaking... it's untrue. Truth is we're social creatures and extremely vulnerable to the judgements of others, even when we don't want to be. Especially when those others are in a place of power over us. Very much especially when they are our parents, our caregivers. We internalise external criticism as a nagging voice in our heads that tears us down from the inside. We feel bad and guilty even when we don't want to, even when we feel it's unfair on us. And if you're suffering from this, I want to directly say: no, you didn't "consent" to this psychological process, whether you were consciously aware of it or not. You aren't complicit in it. The danger of Roosevelt's words is that they can invite self-blame about self-blame itself, becoming a horrible spiral of guilt— one I myself am well familiar with. The journey of healing from internalised criticism starts with rejecting this meta-blame, this feeling shameful about feeling shameful. With that work done we might appreciate Roosevelt's intent with more nuance: "I was made to feel inferior without my consent, but I consciously reject that now and inject my own sense of love for myself as a counter. I will nurture my resilience and assertiveness, so that I may better shield myself from unfair judgement in future. And I will more emphasise the opinions of those who do love, support, and value me." Not that the work is ever done done, mind you. Human nature is what it is, and we will be constantly "patching up" our sense of self. But it can get easier.