Post #1658401
2026-04-25 08:23 UTC
Replies (12)
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@alexglow@chaos.social 2026-04-25 08:30
The thing is, I *know* people often just want to connect; I want that too! But there are other methods that don't start from the implied assumption that I know less than them about the topic. I wish people could magically understand that unsolicited advice does the opposite of what we both want: a positive connection that we might both learn from :) But, y'know what they say... if wishes were horses, urban planning would be a lot more difficult
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@lritter@mastodon.gamedev.place 2026-04-25 08:26
@alexglow I've gotten a bunch of really good Tellings over the years and also many not so good ones... i enjoy those too because then i get to tell them off :P
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@jtruk@mastodon.social 2026-04-25 09:43
@alexglow Actual physical slap them on the table and tap-the-sign cards? 😅
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@NicelyManifest@mastodon.social 2026-04-25 09:47
@alexglow Most these days, it seems, have poor communication skills. Such that 'conversations' can simply be interleaving monologues. My most hated is when people fail to engage with the experience you write about and simply relate their own version of the theme of that experience. In both cases no common land in which to share the chat. Having read a number of books about the art of conversation and listening, I highly recommend others doing so also.
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@NicelyManifest@mastodon.social 2026-04-25 09:49
@alexglow As for the theme of your post - unsolicited advice is again a reaction to, rather than an engagement with the experience you relate. So when I say my knee has been particularly I feel relieved and gratified when someone sympathises rather than offers advice. That draws each of us closer. It is synergistic. But very rare these days.
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@Numerfolt@kirche.social 2026-04-25 10:09
@alexglow Oh, that's really cool!
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@Kirsty@theblower.au 2026-04-25 14:00
@alexglow Omg, I feel this! Many years ago my ex-father-in-law came to visit. He stayed a very long 2 weeks. Almost everything he said to me started with “You should”. I dreaded every “conversation”. One evening, I was driving my then partner and his dad out to dinner. I pulled the car over and lost it. “If either of you start another sentence with you should, I’ll dump you out on the street and you can walk home!” All quiet after that.
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@beaiouns@is.nota.live 2026-04-25 15:20
@alexglow This is a cool format!
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@incanus@mastodon.social 2026-04-25 16:21
@alexglow These are nice — I'll keep them in mind. We have a local discussion/enthusiast group with some great social rules derived in part from The Recurse Center which help, too: https://the-sudo.net/pages/social-rules
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@jacobwittrock@techhub.social 2026-04-25 21:14
@alexglow @dec23k I love it! 🤩
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@catmisgivings@stranger.social 2026-04-25 21:36
@alexglow tagging myself in this one x_X it's actually kind of fun to work on it though because it results in longer conversations where we share our experiences :D :D :D
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@wmd@chaos.social 2026-05-04 07:31
@alexglow@chaos.social thank you for making these! Nice example of a tone change. ❤️ I have seen the first two on telling being used (in masc bubbles at least) as an enthusiastic going along with things or supportive pattern. "Cool! But what if you would add strawberries?!" (Desire to escalate along) "You should totally rock that skirt at the party tonight". (Support)