Sound the Novelty Song klaxon! "Chalk dust - the umpire strikes back" - The Brat A semi-rap number between John McEnroe and a generic umpire. Done on the same stage The Belle Stars were using not ten minutes ago. The crowd raise tennis balls while hand-jiving, and the performance ends with the umpire shooting The Brat with a machine gun. The role of The Brat is played by Roger Kitter, later known as Captain Bertorelli in "'Allo 'Allo". #TOTP #TheBrat #WhatTheHellJustHappened