I get it stranger. Just keep hanging in there out of spite if you can. Fuck the haters, dont let them make you give up. Youre gonna die eventually anyways, what is the rush? Maybe you can make it to a better day. While its true that better day doesn’t come like it has countless times in the past, no one can predict the future. Anything is possible, even good things. You gotta play to win. Do you buy lotto tickets or gamble? Why not gamble on things turning around. Also, what if you really would prefer to die your death at a later time in your life but you never make it to that time? Perhaps this attitude of surviving out intense spite and bitterness grew out of me watching The Mist when I was little. Give it a watch sometime. Peace.