Found some old junk, including 2 notebooks where every page obsessively tracked how many calories I'd consumed each day, for years. I'd forgotten I did this, it seemed so normal to me at the time. I'm stunned looking back at this now. About 3 years ago I realised I have an eating disorder, and started learning about it and figuring out my triggers. I've had it consistently under control for about 9 months. Fuck diet culture for making me think this kind of obsession was normal and healthy.