https://megelin.com/products/megelin-vitalux-laser-led-therapy-wear I thought this was a joke.

Turns out you were correct. Which is sad, because there is some legit science in the Red and Near Infrared area, but this and other devices are overpriced and fraudulent.

I feel like most (99%?) commerce is fraudulent, tbh.

Your thesis describes 'enshitification', which is rampant, alas. Theodore Sturgeon, author, is credited with saying, "90% of Everything is Crap.", a.k.a. Sturgeon's Law. I did just use the phenomenon of The Superb Owl to get a great price on a new shirt, with a pair of socks and a thing (what are those lipstick containers called? ) of lip balm thrown in for free.

Tube?

Almost, not quite satisfactory. It's a dispenser tube, with a screw driven plunger. Thanks all the same!!