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• Post #3055738

  I was attempting to describe the way my work laptop has slowed to a crawl. I was struck by how many commonly used phrases for this there are that leapt to mind which are somewhere between insensitive uses of medical terminology and just outright ableist.

• Post #3055737

  I don't know when exactly I escaped my most recent bout of autistic burnout, but the fact that talking to other humans now makes me feel better instead of worse makes me feel pretty sure about being on the other side. #ActuallyAutistic

• Post #3055736

  Rango got a new toy with a loop of rope on either end. He immediately tore one side open. So now it's a noose. #DogsOfMastodon

• Post #3055735

  Cookout host: "Hey, Sir Mix-A-Lot! Glad you made it to the friends and pets cookout. Oh wow, and that is quite a snake there! Hi fella! Anyway, you're a little late, but we do still have a few brats left, but we did run out of bread..." Sir Mix-A-Lot: [takes a deep breath]

• Post #3055734

  Sure, he may start a nuclear war tonight. But the previous guy fucking STUTTERED.

• Post #3055733

  I went to YouTube to find a live clip of Skeeter Davis singing "The End of the World" and found some AI-generated monstrosity in which an alien with Skeeter's hair and Eugene Levy's eyebrows mouthed along to the song while her neck undulated like she was about to explode into a pile of snakes. Maybe we deserve this.

• Post #3055732

  The thing about trying to be a better person every year of your life is that if you're basically pulling it off, you're also making looking back into a whole lot of YEESH.

• Post #3055731

  My politics are guillotine/pitchfork.

• Post #3055730

  TFW someone is presenting from PowerPoint, has a one hour block, and after 20 minutes, has covered 3 slides out of 25.

• Post #3055729

  Now working from home every day and I had forgotten the number of times my dog issues an IMPORTANT ALERT THAT PEOPLE ARE OUTSIDE ON THE STREET, ON THE SIDEWALK, OR IN THEIR OWN DRIVEWAYS. #DogsOfMastodon

• Post #3055728

  Not yucking anyone's yum, but I cannot in the year 2026 understand still wanting more Star Wars. There is so much Star Wars already. I just personally do need any more ever again. This is not a judgment on the tastes of people who do want more, just me noting once again, where I seem to be out of sync with the zeitgeist.

• Post #2210683

  Why can't he just fucking die and then we all gather round the campfire and sing "Yub Nub"?

• Post #2177717

  My kid just WhatsApped from his German exchange trip. They had to call an ambulance for him. He has food poisoning, was very pale and nauseous. He was dehydrated and his blood pressure was dropping. He's fine now but I wanted to share this because it has the most Western Europe Is a Civilized Place ending ever. The paramedics came to the mall, took him into the ambulance, gave him an IV, checked him out, stayed with him until he felt better, then told him "No charge. Enjoy yo...