2026-08-01 01:03 UTC
Suspect at large: white male BIOTERRORIST, blue eyes, extremely fluffy.
The crime, against god, man, & CIVILIZATION ITSELF?
SOMEBODY peed on my bed WHILE I WAS SLEEPING IN IT & soaked his HORRORFLUID through the prophylactic waterproof mattress cover (repeat offender).
Suspect commented: LOL IDC
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