@ShadowOfMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone
2026-11-10 19:06 UTC
Replies (17)
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@Dunstabzugshaubitze@feddit.org 2026-11-10 19:28
your trauma tangent sounds a bit like cptsd, i am not a psychologist, but that’s something i carry around. there is no shame in going to therapy, it does not mean one is broken, it only means that one wants to get better.
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@velma@sh.itjust.works 2026-11-10 19:30
It’s really normal. I had to switch to text only with my ex-husband for these exact reasons. The gaslighting was intense and it can be so hard to get a sense of reality within a relationship like that. It was lovely to be able to go in and delete some of the screenshots recently though. It’s been long enough that I felt safe to let it go <3
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@Titanna@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2026-11-10 20:06
hugsie for everyone who feels like want one now.
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@tanisnikana@lemmy.world 2026-11-10 20:12
And text lets people compose their thoughts with care.
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@SillyDude@lemmy.zip 2026-11-10 21:26
Used to record every phone call with my parents so I could play back their own words when they said they didn’t say something, and my words when they said I said something I didn’t.
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@danhab99@programming.dev 2026-11-10 22:16
In my lived experiences pure negative feedback is equally traumatizing as intermittent verbal beratement. I am sexually attracted to individuals who fit a set of certain phenotypes but in persuing sexual relationships with these people I got nothing but negative feedback. I’m not going into specifics bc that doesn’t matter here. The point is that now physical attraction doesn’t matter to me and am yes finally having sex… I guess what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t feel bad when people hate you for solving a problem they wanted. Of course they’d hate you for not letting them say whatever they want to you whenever, you’re literally not letting them do something, you’re like taking something, emotionally. Granted they shouldn’t want to do that in the first place which is how we solve the problem. If I don’t want to be the kind of person who limits everyone who talks to me to texts then I’ll remove people who necessitate that from me. I don’t need to speak if I can’t speak safely, just like I don’t need to drive if I’ve had a few beers. Sharing information about me isn’t the important thing, what’s most important is that I feel supported in the way I need and that means I don’t talk to anyone or everyone. For those who live a life where they can’t remove the problems my advice is to take a more information theory approach, you can speak lots of words while conveying no meaning, it’s a skill. It involves developing a deep and intimate comprehension of the midwits comprehension of the entropy of nature language. Some people are just smart enough to realize that words are arbitrary sounds and if they consistently mean the same thing when they say the same word they can redefine it as they wish, biggest victim of this is “think”, “think” can mean billions of things there’s no reliable way to know so don’t know, don’t care that do “think”, do “think” yourself. Consistently mean what you mean. Take things from people that they don’t need like: bad behaviors and hierarchy and traditions and history and systems. Trillions of people have lived long and healthy lives without many of the things we have today and a lot of those things aren’t needed take them. Govern the information that you emit on an informational level; instead of answering “why are you wearing that” with an explanation just say “it is already on me” and if that lack of information causes a fight let it. You only selected the amount of information you emitted you have no control or the reaction (having control would imply that there is a min amount of info you should emit which there just isn’t source am a person) And in doing these things I have found my life improving. Idk about you but I hope you do too.
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@hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2026-11-10 22:24
I don’t think its trauma, I’m pretty sure its just that my brain is a sieve. I like to be able to review what was said, so texts are preferred.
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@sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2026-11-10 23:45
For me it’s just because it gives me the time to think about what I am trying to communicate.
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@blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 2026-11-11 00:05
Sometimes its the other way around. I prefer texts because I’m a visual learner… and visual formats being handy for maintaining accountability and avoiding abuse are a convenient byproduct. But I was a visual learner first.
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@Malica@lemmy.zip 2026-11-11 00:06
I can’t talk on the phone at all because of trauma and autistic fear of being perceived. I don’t know if you’re neurodivergent, but if you are, I’ve read that neurodivergent people are much more sensitive to trauma. A seemingly normal event that wouldn’t be traumatizing for neurotypical can traumatizing for neurodivergent people. The fact that you can’t remember also suggests you might have trauma. Either way, sending you all of the internet hugs, feel better!
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@CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world 2026-11-11 00:48
Lots of abusers also prefer text because it lets them take their time in picking their words perfectly and carefully for maximum slipperiness and plausible deniability. It doesn’t mean anything really if you prefer texting.
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@cazssiew@lemmy.world 2026-11-11 01:05
I’m the opposite actually. My instinctive reaction to abuse is to try to appease, and not having the person I’m talking to in front of me to gauge how they’re feeling has a tendency to drive me nuts. If I can’t look at someone’s face while I’m communicating with them my brain immediately assumes they hate me.
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@gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 2026-11-11 01:08
text communication is just inherently superior. it automatically writes down all the dates, times and locations.
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@glitchdx@lemmy.world 2026-11-11 01:26
Yup, sounds about right. And I can speak from experience that I thought I was perfectly fine until other people heard what I’ve been through and told me “that’s not okay”. “But I’m not traumatized by it” yes I was, it just took a couple decades for me to figure it out.
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@Stolas@lemmy.ca 2026-11-11 02:20
I never really thought about it but yes it makes a lot of sense. Not just look back over what was said, but how it was said, the context in which it was said in.
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@im_fine_sandy@nord.pub 2026-11-11 05:36
I don’t doubt that’s true, but there’s a myriad of other reasons why someone might prefer to text.
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@ViceroTempus@lemmy.world 2026-11-11 05:46
Can confirm as someone who prefers text. It also allows me to organize my thoughts ahead of time.