Post #978465

I can't wait to hear Trump's speech tonight. Since I can't wait, I hacked into his tell-me-prompters and will now share with you the planned speech. I have taken the liberty of shortening it by 99% for which I expect to receive the Medal of Brevity. (Thanks.) Trump: "My foolish Americans. We attacked those shitty Iranians a few weeks ago to put them in their places. I'm happy to say that they are now all in place, so after a brief ground invasion that already started or will start soon, we'll be pulling out and coming home. As some guy said, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Our terrible allies have agreed to deal with the Hormuz Strait problems. So we're done over there and I can now return to my ballroom, my library, my performing arts center, my grifting and grafting, my bunkers, and my parties at MargleTheGargle. I've asked all the members of the best ever Cabinet to share their thoughts and they said, 'Fuck you, America. You're all dopes and suckers.' In closing, remember to vote Republican or we'll find you, deport you, or maybe just kill you. And no, your delayed tax refunds will never reach you. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION."