Post #621557

2026-03-08 21:16 UTC

I want men to stop giving women advice that&#39;s like &quot;If you get hit on in an inappropriate place / situation you need to be blunt! If you are nice / polite, the creep will see that as an invitation!&quot; Do we really have to tell you why a woman might choose a de-escalating tactic?? You need to realize that as a woman, we can&#39;t win in this situation. We will either get told that we were &quot;nice, thereby flirty&quot;, or (when blunt) that we&#39;re arrogant and awful (And there&#39;s the risk the man might get angry &amp; aggressive!). Also, instead of telling women how to react, tell off your male friends when they&#39;re creeps.

Replies (11)

@bicebird@toot.wales 2026-03-09 00:46

@Mab_813 It was galling to hear a friend talk about taking both approaches, being blunt to one harasser and nice to another with neither working, and people said "well you should have done the opposite" both times. Like they know they can't provide any advice that will actually work but can at least shift the blame onto the harassed.

Open ##1683285
@Robo105@mastodon.social 2026-03-09 01:00

@Mab_813 I agree and as man I would hope the woman would ask for help

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@Mercurial@todon.nl 2026-03-09 01:01

@Mab_813 you’re absolutely right but one should also be blunt just because it’s enjoyable. I like to look at them with a straight face and say, stop talking to me.

Open ##1683306
@jargoggles@kolektiva.social 2026-03-09 01:58

@Mab_813 It's the same kind of vibe as white people telling black people how to react to racism. They like to think their lack of first-hand experience is objectivity.

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@Ilka4You@mastodon.social 2026-03-09 07:48

@Mab_813 💯!

Open ##1683308
@afewbugs@social.coop 2026-03-09 08:33

@Mab_813 this is the best explanation of this I've ever read. https://bikepacking.com/plog/man-or-bear-debate/ "I need to get away from the man. But I need to do it in a way that doesn’t anger him. This is the tricky bit. Men who lack social awareness or empathy often also lack other skills in emotional management. And usually, what men in these situations actually want is closeness. They’re trying to get closer to me, physically or emotionally, in the only way they know how. That combination of poor emotional skillsets and a desire to get closer is exactly what puts me in danger. If I deny his attempts at closeness by leaving or setting a boundary, he could feel frustrated, rejected, or ashamed. If he doesn’t know how to recognize or manage those feelings, he’s likely to experience them as anger. And then I’m a solo woman stuck in a forest with an angry man, which is exactly what women are most afraid of. 1/2

Open ##1683309
@PurpleShadow@eldritch.cafe 2026-03-09 11:08

@Mab_813 I was once mannsplained by a dude how I should react towards creepy men. That dude ended touching me in an inappropriate way, and yelling at me and calling me names when I dared to seek help from his creepy behaviour.

Open ##1683311
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social 2026-03-09 14:16

@Mab_813 I go with the "Too crazy to stick a dick in" method.

Open ##1683312
@Rooktallon@caneandable.social 2026-03-09 14:58

@AdaraAstin @Mab_813 Or just be like some people and consider any type of friendly interaction from a woman as just being friendly even if they really were flirting so you don't misread their intentions.

Open ##1683313
@lazy@fedi.at 2026-03-14 07:53

@Mab_813 That is not even a proper haiku. Should be something like "Like winters tempest / be, when hit on in wrong place / to not invite creep". Bit bumpy, I admit. But do I have to put in the work? People who give unnecessary advice should at least show some effort ...

Open ##1683314
@nk@sns.neonka.info 2026-03-15 05:33

@Mab_813 One of the ideas is to let women legally carry a gun while prohibiting that for men

Open ##1683315