Post #4445719

I spent the last four years essentially in a state of limbo where I didn’t feel like I could leave the country, change my job, take any risks, or do anything I wanted to. Then in March this year I received a little plastic card that seemed to say, you can do all of those things now. It feels so surreal and it makes me feel like none of that was real. Because it wasn’t. Immigration policies are just simply methods of control that countries dreamed up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to account fully for how this whole thing has impacted me psychologically. I just came back from a trip to the country of my birth. I feel a deep sadness, the weight of which I don’t even know how to begin to calculate. People who have never had to leave their homes may say, why don’t you just go back where you seem happier? It doesn’t work like that. I feel torn down the middle like I have two full selves that don’t quite fit. If I go back, I won’t fit either.