Post #4313517

I answered one of those LGBTQIA+ survey, and when they asked my sexual orientation, I answered "I don' know" I never had sex, never had a romantic relationship, never kissed anyone near the mouth. Why? I don't know. I think I'm attracted to women? Am I asexual or allosexual? I think I kinda want to have sex? At times I really want to get a cock of sort inside my mouth, or eat pussy. All my sexual fantasies revolved around being penetrated. Or at least, far from my genitals. Being told that I was a man really screwed with me, I think. I was told it was either gay or straight. And I sure as hell didn't feel like a gay man. And it reflected into my most intimate, personal, isolated, moments. Masturbating, I would certainly imagine myself with a pussy. But most of the desire was around being manipulated psychologically, in a way, being penetrated inside the brain. I wouldn't allow myself to admit I just wanted a pussy and get fucked. And this confusion prevented me from having any relationship. Maybe? I feel like people avoid partners who don't know what they want. Maybe it's the fact I didn't (and still don't) know what I want makes it harder to express to people what I can offer them? idk, I want cuddles, I'm so touch starved ​:neocat_sob_f:​ right now my blahaj is my best friend, I'm pretty much strapped to it all day long. God, I realized all of that only when writing those words.