Post #4263713

I have a friend with Aspergers, his choice and not mine, as my exboyfriend described "we autistics can label ourselves and allistics will laugh and ignore it or we can take the names of people that genocided and experimented on us. We lose either way. I won't debate people on the usage of the term" and neither will I. He has the diagnosis. He doesn't care and neither should you. ANYWAYS there was a time he giggled and slipped me a piece of paper like it was a love note. It was a string of numbers. A code. I broke it wrote my own and handed it back. We did this back and forth for a bit and another friend caught it. Also ND. ALso genius level IQ. He sees it. Sees what we are doing and calls us Crazy in a loving way and our very niche conversation continues. I had a autistic boyfriend and we had codes for days he was nonverbal. This smiley face means I am here but can't talk. We had hand symbols for when I needed to take over because he was overwhelmed. I am now married to an AuDHD. My mother has OCD. Her counting number is the same as mine. I took a test. The OCD inventory. It felt like I was receiving the Voight Kampff test from bladerunner. It was awful and I too would love to shoot the test giver with a laz gun and run away. My sister has equivalently bad bipolar. My brother and father equivalently bad ADHD. My grandmother had such severe Bipolar that it read more like Schizophrenia. A condition known as Schizo Affective Disorder. My first closet lesbian relationship was with a woman with Bipolar. My second girlfriend had a brother with OCD as severe as mine. It just manifested more in throwing desks at the cause of the disturbance ( Ie a teacher or another student ) than my hyperventilating type. I honestly have a very odd experience with humanity. I'd generally rather work with someone with Downs Syndrome than a nuerotypical and I know a few people with Downs Syndrome. It's not that I view downs syndrome as bad but rather that I find neurotypical people difficult to talk to. So I develop scripts. And what I have learned is consistently mortifying. "ADHD and OCD can disappear as you get older" not really? I met a cook with ADHD. He was great at completing small odd tasks and he did this to throw people off that he couldn't do large tasks without help. "Just get sun and exercise" my mother, the one with severe OCD, had to get melanoma removed from her nose from TOO MUCH sun and exercise. I had a head chef that went in the ER for what he supposed was a heart attack post divorce. It was his first panic attack. I have two a month in a good month. In a bad month I can have several back to back because we parked in "Not our spot". I've had to do exceedingly intense exposure therapy to function without medication and it's still a challenge. My sister has to limit her social interactions to 4 hours a week or lose all control which is better for her than the Atypical antipsychotics or life in a mental hospital. My grandfather had to save my grandmother from a lobotomy and she still underwent electroshock therapy. I'm overwhelmingly used to mental disturbance, in a sense that makes me used to addicts to the point I know the smell of different cigarettes by brand. I don't know or want another life. I'm so used to being around ND people that I know what to look out for, what I'll be aroused by, what I will need to stay away from. It's like I know enough from interacting with enbies to know that one of the most attractive gender identities to me is Agender and Maverique. Yet the vast vast vast majority of people do not even think or understand what we go through everyday. These people will say "You are the first person like you I have ever met" and it boggles my mind. How?! this is all I've ever known. How is it that NT are the majority. I guess it's true that birds of a feather flock together. My core group of friends later came out as bi with aspergers, Bi and a sociopath, and me Bi, Trans and OCD. And I mean like a sociopath. Like she has come to me weeping begging me to tell her how I can understand emotions and morality without having to logic them out of the ether while very deep into her beers. I dunno what this rant is really about other than NT people are weird and I still struggle to see them as the norm. Statistics is weird AF.